School Jokes

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Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.

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Teacher:
"What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student:
"The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"

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A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked,
"What are your three words?" The boy said,
"Takeoff zebra baby."

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The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a соw do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!

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A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."

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A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.
So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.
He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Неll yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "DUNDUNUNUNUN, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Неll yeah!"
So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " DUNUNUNUNU, BATMAN!"

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Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said,
"My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said,
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, fuскing beautiful!'"

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What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A blood test.

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I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said,
"Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."

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Teacher asks to a student that if I give you 3+3 rabbits, how many do you have"?
Student tells, I will have 7 rabbits.
Teacher asks, how?
Student tells, i already have 1 rabbit.

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What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.

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What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
"Nobody's perfect!"

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There was once a black boy, a jewish boy, and an Italian in 3rd grade. One day, they decided to play "who has the biggest diск". The Jew whipped it out, and then the Italian, and then the black. They looked at the black diск in astonishment, and told him it's huge because he's black.
That night at the dinner table, he told his parents "the other boys at school said that my diск is big because I'm black, is this true?" She replied, "no son, it's because you're 24".

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A kid comes home from school and so excitedly telling his dad ,daddy daddy the teacher asked a question at school today and I was the only one who answered it,
His father replies congratulations to my son I am proud but what was the question ?
Who broke the dамn window....

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A boy asked his teacher"Can I go to the tolilet please miss?" but the teacher said "No, we're doing the alphabet" 5 Minutes later he asked again and the teacher says "no, it's your turn to do the alphabet." So he goes " A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z". Then the teacher askes "where's your P?" He replies with "It's halfway down my leg miss"

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Middle schoolers 10 years ago: the wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round.
Middle schoolers now: me diск in her pussey goes in and out. In and out.

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School starts with "s" and so does slavery.
Coincidence? I think not.

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For some time, many of us have wondered who is Jack Sh*t? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,
"You dont know Jack Sh*t." Well, thanks to my efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Sh*t is the only son of Awe Sh*t, who married O Sh*t, the owners of Knee Deep 'N Sh*t, Inc. In turn, Jack Sh*t married No Sh*t. The couple had six children, Holy Sh*t, Giva Sh*t, Fulla Sh*t, Bull Sh*t, and the twins Deep Sh*t and Dip Sh*t. Deep Sh*t married Dumb Sh*t, a high school dropout. After 15 years, Jack and Noe Sh*t got divorced, and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe Sh*t Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Sh*t married Lotta Sh*t and had a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Sh*t. Fulla Sh*t and Giva Sh*t married the Happens brothers, and had a double wedding. The newspaper invited everyone to the Sh*t-Happens wedding. Bull Sh*t traveled the world and returned home with an Italian bride, Pisa Sh*t. So from now on, no one can tell you that you don't know Jack Sh*t!

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