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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter "H" they should ignore the "H" as in hour, honor, and honest. That day when leaving for class, he left a note for his assistant, "Please heat my rice for me." When the teacher returned to his office, he met an empty bowl. He asked the assistant, "Where is my food?" The assistant replied, "You said I should heat the rice for you, but you also instructed us to ignored the 'H.'"
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Teacher:
"Where was the Constitution of India signed?"
Student:
"At the bottom of the page!"
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It was the first day of school. Harry's mother went into his bedroom and said,
"Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today."
"But I don't want to go to school," replied Harry, "I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school"?
"Because," answered his mother, "you're a teacher!"
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Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.
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Teacher:
"What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student:
"The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"
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A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked,
"What are your three words?" The boy said,
"Takeoff zebra baby."
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Teacher:
"What is the largest city?"
Student:
"Electricity!"
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The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a соw do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!
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A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
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A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.
So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.
He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Неll yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "DUNDUNUNUNUN, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Неll yeah!"
So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " DUNUNUNUNU, BATMAN!"
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Johnny's teacher told the class to say a sentence using the word beautiful twice. A girl sitting next to Johnny said,
"My mother put on a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." The teacher said "Very good." Johnny raised his hand and said,
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, fuскing beautiful!'"
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What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A blood test.
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Teacher asks to a student that if I give you 3+3 rabbits, how many do you have"?
Student tells, I will have 7 rabbits.
Teacher asks, how?
Student tells, i already have 1 rabbit.
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What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.
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What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
"Nobody's perfect!"
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A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sреrм get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sреrм is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sреrм into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sреrм comes out of the man's реnis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says,
"You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"
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There was once a black boy, a jewish boy, and an Italian in 3rd grade. One day, they decided to play "who has the biggest diск". The Jew whipped it out, and then the Italian, and then the black. They looked at the black diск in astonishment, and told him it's huge because he's black.
That night at the dinner table, he told his parents "the other boys at school said that my diск is big because I'm black, is this true?" She replied, "no son, it's because you're 24".
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Que le dice un cuatro a un cero Η δύσκολη ερώτηση Ποιός έσπασε το τζάμι του σχολείου;; Η ερώτηση Иванчо се прибира късно от училище: Fritzchen kommt von der Schule zurück. Andrea torna a casa da scuola tutto soddisfatto e dice alla mamma: Lille Per kom hjem fra skolen. – Hva lærte du i dag En dag kom lilla Elin hem från skolan helt överlycklig. - Varför är du så glad? frågade pappan. - Jo Móricka hazafelé tart mamájával az iskolából. A mama megkérdezi: - Mi volt ma az iskolában Petriukas: - Mama - Mi volt ma az iskolában Došao Perica kući i kaže tati: Tata Petriukas
A kid comes home from school and so excitedly telling his dad ,daddy daddy the teacher asked a question at school today and I was the only one who answered it,
His father replies congratulations to my son I am proud but what was the question ?
Who broke the dамn window....
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