Technology

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I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

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Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.

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Yo mama so sтuрid that when she turned on airplane mode...
She thought she could fly.

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Your Momma is so fат, she takes her picture with Google Earth.

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Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.

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Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

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Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx

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On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.

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Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper.
Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..."
Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach.
Husband faints.
Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.

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The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!

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Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: "I just wanted to let you know you're off the air."
Host: "Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it."
Caller: "It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that."

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Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

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Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?

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What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets!

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Q: What does an SEO and part-time chiropractor work on?
A: Your bad backlinks.

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Q: Where's Spiderman's home page?
A: On the world wide web.

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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.

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"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."

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