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Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'
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What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggеrs going over a cliff.
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Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to кill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
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Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
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What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses
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One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
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Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Car go Beep Beep!
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Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it?
A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
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In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer.
They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down.
The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution.
Suddenly the programmer says:
"I say we better FORMAT it!"
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Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.
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How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
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- Скъпии
– Драги
- Дорогой
- Милый
Срце
- I made cookies for you. It is an apology because I crashed your car.
- You did what?!
- Cookies. I made cookies for you.
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, maybe your radar gun needs calibrating.'
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A father told his daughter, "Congrats on your graduation. I bought you a car a while back. I want you to have it now."
Before I give it to you, take it to a car dealer in the city and sell it. See how much they offer.”
The girl came back to her father & said: "They offered me $10,000 dollars because it looks very old"
Father said: "Ok, now take it to the раwn shop".
The girl returns to her father & said: "The раwn shop offered $1,000 dollars because it's a very old car & a lot of work done".
The father told her to join a passionate car club with experts & show them the car.
The girl drove to the passionate car club.
She returned to her father after a few hours & told him, “Some people in the club offered me $100k because its a rare car that's in good condition.”
Then the father said, "I wanted to let you know that you are not worth anything if you are not in the right place. If you are not appreciated, do not be angry, that means you are in the wrong place. Don't stay in a place where no one sees your value ."
The moral of the story : Know your worth and know where you are valued. A diamond doesn't shine on the bottom of a cave.
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Yo' Mama is so fат, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
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30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.
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Мъж си купил ново БМВ и го подкарал с висока скорост.
Полиција
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
One evening a old man is traveling at 70mph in a 30mh zone a little further down the road.
Nach einer schnellen Verfolgungsjagd stoppt die Polizei Vlad. „So viel Spaß hatte ich den ganzen Tag nicht“
Porsche Fahrer Ein Porsche Fahrer fährt mit ca. 250 km/h auf der Autobahn trotz Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung auf 100 km/h. Er wird von einem Streifenwagen verfolgt. Nach einer halben Stunde wilder Verfolgungsjagd stoppt er endlich. Der Polizeiobermeister sagt: „OK
Mannen var ute och provkörde sin nya sportiga Porsche. Han fällde ned taket och tryckte på gasen och när han körde över 120 km/h såg han blinkande blåljus bakom sig. Han hade blivit något fartblind...
Een man heeft een nieuwe Mercedes gekocht en gaat op een mooie zomeravond even lekker een stuk rijden... Het dak eraf
Um homem é parado pela polícia depois de ser perseguido em alta velocidade: - Sabe
"Waar ben ik godsnaam mee bezig?" denkt hij en hij gaat naar de kant van de weg. De agent loopt naar hem toe
Um sujeito está voltando para casa
Starszy pan mknie autem przez miasto z prędkością 180km/h. Goni go policja
En man hade köpt sig en ny sportbil och var ute på motorvägen för att testa lite. När han var uppe i 160 så upptäckte han blåljus i backspegeln och tänkte: - ...snuten hinner aldrig ifatt mig i...
En mand kommer kørende i sin bil med 125 km/t Pludselig ser han en motorcykel betjent i bakspejlet og øger hastigheden til 200 km/t. Da politibetjenen bliver ved med at følge efter opgiver manden...
Mężczyzna około 40-tki pomykał szosą w swoim nowiutkim Porsche. Kiedy już dwukrotnie przekroczył dozwoloną prędkość
Egy fickó vett egy új sportautót
Egy középkorú pasi éppen depressziós fázisban van
Nusiperka bachūriukas naują mersą. Nori pasibandyt - tai išvaro į kelią ir lekia neblogu greičiu. Rodyklė rodo 120
O sujeito finalmente conseguiu realizar o seu sonho de comprar um Audi A4
Žmogelis nusipirko naują Mersedesa – kabrioletą ir viena vakarą nusprendė išbandyti ji. Išvažiavo į užmiesčio kelia
Mannen var ute ock provkörde sin nya sportiga audi. Han fällde ned taket och tryckte pa gasen. När han körde över 160 sag han blaljus bakom sig. Han hade blivit nägot fartblind och tänkte att...
- Uram
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph.
The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
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What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
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