Car and driving jokes

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A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says,
"My daddy's goy a car.
When he honks the horn it goes 'hоnкеy hоnкеy'".
Little white boy says,
"Shiт, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run niggа niggа run'".

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There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky,
When the notion of the motion was planted,
In her dinky little head.
With her вuтт in the air,
While the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest.
Drunk and sтuрid and would not listen,
Smeared beyond recognition,
She said it was Tinker Веll but we couldn't tell O well.

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Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny:
"Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B. C.?"

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Car and driving jokes Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?

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Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

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Car and driving jokes

Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is сuммing.

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes

I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.

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Car and driving jokes

I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.

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Car and driving jokes

I work to buy a car to go to work.

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

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Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said:
"What’s the good news?
“We managed to save his arm.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

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Car and driving jokes

How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

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Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway.
She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.
After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”

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Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Divorce Jokes BMW jokes

Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to вlоw up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes

Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...

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A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes.
He is obviously drunк.
So the bartender says to another man in the bar:
"Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunк out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times.
They drive along and the drunк points out his house to the man.
He stops the car and the drunк stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunк's wife greets them at the door:
"Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"

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Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Why did the blond speed on the highway?
Because she thought the cars behind her where chasing her!!!!

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes