A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands. “Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands. “That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hand. “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise their hands.”That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says:
“Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.” The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Ahmed, tell us what it’s like to have sеx with a ghost?” Ahmed replied, “Shiт, from way back there I thought you said Goats.”
Er is een italiaanse familie naar amerika ge-emigreerd. na aankomst zegt de moeder tegen haar dochter: Go outside, finde husbande, make love and get married. De dochter komt thuis met een man en vraagt raad aan haar moeder: Go upstairse, make love and get married. Een moment later komt de dochter naar beneden: Mama, mama, this man gotte big haire on his cheste. Moeder zegt: Don't matter go upstairs, make love and gette married. Later komt ze weer terug en zegt: Mama, mama, This man gotte big haire between his legs. Moeder zegt: Don't matter go upstairs, make love and gette married. Later komt ze weer terug: Mama,mama, This man got a really big thing between his legs. Zegt de moeder: STAY HERE, THAT'S FOR THE MAMA.
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked if this was it.
God said, 'No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.'
Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, вrеаsт augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it.
She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 40 Years?'
God replied,'I didn't recognize you.'
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident;
It's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'So you're a man;
That's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replied, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
'This must be a sign from God!'
The woman continued, 'And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...