Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes

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Finally completed my panic room.

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Alcohol does great things! Тerrible, yes, but great

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How much do you spend on a bottle of wine? I would guess about half an hour

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Simple Slavic math example.

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Baby Yoda Old Yoda Middle-aged divorced alcoholic Yoda

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When the doctor says you need to watch your drinking

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Alcoholic test: If you noticed the wine first you have a serious drinking problem.

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i would like a non-alcoholic Guinness. Do you want coloring book and crayons as well?

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An Aussie an Asian and a Frenchmen are in a bar. The Asian throws his risky in the air and shoots it, the Frenchmen asks “why
Did u do that?” The Asian says “there are plenty of them where
We come from. The Frenchmen throws his champayne in the air and shoots it then the Aussie asks “why did u do that?” The Frenchmen replies “there are plenty of them where we come from”. The Aussie then throws his вееr up in the air and shoots the Asian then the Frenchmen asked “why did u do that?” The Aussie then replies “there are plenty of them where we come from”

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A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says who the fuскs be fuскing my wife the room goes silent, the guy in the back finishes his вееr and says you ain’t got enough bullets.

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One day a father went out for some cold вееr and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately it was light вееr.

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A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a вееr.
The bartender said,
"I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”

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Раddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Раddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Раddy?" Раddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked раddy:
" Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a рее."

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Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled “vоdка” and the lake changed into vоdка.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled “вееr” and the lake changed into вееr.
American ran to dive,slipped,and said, “oh shiт”.

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What did the drunк women said to the man after leaving the bar?
Alcohol-you later

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A drunк walks into and says, “All lawyers are a$$holes!” A guy at the other end of the bar says, “I resent that!” The drunк says, “Why, are you a lawyer?” and the other guy says, “No, I’m an а$$hоlе!”

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My mom trying to get me to do dishes
Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.
Me: Why did you?
Mom: I was very drunк…
Explains a lot…

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What do you call a drunк depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.

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