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Вицове за Животни
English
Tier-Witze, Tierwitze, Tier Wi...
Chistes de animales
про животных
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Barzellette Animali
Ανέκδοτα με ζώα
животни
Hayvan Fıkraları, Hayvanlar Al...
Анекдоти про Тварин, Анекдоти ...
Piadas de Animais
Dowcipy i kawały: Zwierzęta
Djurvitsar, Djur-Skämt, Djur s...
Dieren moppen, Dierenmop, Dier...
Vitser om dyr
Dyrevitser, Vitser om dyr
Eläinvitsit
Állatos viccek
Bancuri Animale
Anekdoty a vtipy o zvířátkách ...
Anekdotai apie gyvūnus
Anekdotes par dzīvniekiem
Vicevi o životinjama
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Q: What is the difference between a dogs аss and liberals?
A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs аss!
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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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What is a niggеr?
Proof that skunks fuск monkeys
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What goes black white black white...?
A реnguin rolling down a hill!
What's black and white and laughing?
The реnguin who pushed him!
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During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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Двајцата рибари и белата мечка
Zwei Wanderer und ein Bär
Οι Δικηγόροι
Отишли руснакът и чукчата на риболов през зимата.
Zwei Anwälte sind auf Löwenjagd in Afrika. Erschöpft von der vergeblichen Pirsch lehnen sie ihre Gewehre an einen Baum
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack
Чукча и геолог събират камъни на брега на океана. Изведнъж виждат към тях да се насочва огромна
Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't...
En advokat och hans klient var ute och gick då plötsligt en ilsken björn rusade mot dem. Advokaten öppnade fort sin portfölj
Deux hommes sont partis à la chasse dans les Pyrénées. Soudain
Deux touristes qui se promènent dans la brousse sans armes voient tout à coup venir à leur rencontre un lion en quête d’un bon repas. L’un des deux ouvre immédiatement son sac et commence à...
Bir Amerikalı ile Japon safariye çıkmışlar. Her ikisi de son teknolojik Silahları da birbirlerine nazire yapmak için yanlarına almışlar. Derken uzakta bir aslan görünmüş. Amerikalı lazer tüfeğini...
Brezsnyev és Kádár sétálnak az erdőben. Egyszer csak kiugrik eléjük egy medve
Šetaju dva lika šumom i naiđu na velikog besnog medveda koji se nameračio na njih. Jedan brzo skine čizme i krene da oblači sportske patike. Drugi ga gleda zbunjeno pa ga pita: - Misliš da ćeš u...
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear.
The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said:
"You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans.
I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear.
I only have to outrun you."
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As horses say to one another.
Any friend of yours is a palomino!
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Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes.
They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "Ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them."
And the other rabbit says, "We're going to run for it you idiот I'm your brother."
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Klingelt eine Schnecke an einer Haustür. Ein Mann macht auf. Sagt die Schnecke zu dem Mann:
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later
En man sitter i sitt hus när det knackar på dörren. Han öppnar dörren och ser en snigel på trappen. Han tar upp snigeln och kastar den så långt bort han kan. Tre år senare knackar det på dörren...
This snail crawls up to this bar as it was closing. The snail pounds and pounds on the door until the bartender finally opens the door. The bartender looks around and sees nothing until the snail...
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock...
Klingelt 'ne Schnecke bei einem Mann an der Tür. Der macht auf
One day a man heard knocking at his door.
He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling.
The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could.
Three years later he heard knocking at the door again.
He opened the door to see the snail.
The snail said, "What the hеll was that all about?"
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What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
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Psychiatrist:
"What’s your problem?"
Patient:
"I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist:
"How long has this been going on?"
Patient:
"Ever since I was an egg!"
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Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent.
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Customer:
"Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup."
Waiter:
"So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
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Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls.
The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
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A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger!
Beware of Dog’.
He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor.
‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper.
‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper.
‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
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The Animal Crackers that Chuck Norris eats are made from real animals.
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Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
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