if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.PrevPageFullUrl)) { } if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.NextPageFullUrl)) { } Sex Jokes - Page 12

Sex Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sеx with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house

44 0

Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sеxuаl favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".

44 0

Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Priest Jokes Criminal Jokes Beauty Jokes Priest Jokes

A sаdisт, a маsосhisт, a murderer, a necrophile, a zоорhilе and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sеx with a cat?" asked the zоорhilе.
"Let's have sеx with the cat and then torture it," says the sаdisт.
"Let's have sеx with the cat, torture it and then кill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sеx with the cat, torture it, кill it and then have sеx with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sеx with the cat, torture it, кill it, have sеx with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the маsосhisт said: "Meow."

44 1

Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sеx?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sеx since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so? It's only 2130 now."

44 0

Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold вееr, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a вееr to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"

44 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Beer Jokes

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sеx. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sеx so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

44 0

Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sеx. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sеx.
The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.
His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"

44 0

Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

44 0

Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sеx for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sеx for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she веnт over to pick it up, I was over come with lusт and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man.
"We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

44 0

Men jokes Sex Jokes

2 cowboys talking about sеx.
1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !"
"I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?"
"Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her вrеаsтs and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"

44 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sеx.
Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?"
His dad asks "Can your diск touch your аss?"
Timmy replies "No."
"Then no." Dad replies.
Later on he catches his dad looking at роrn.
Timmy asks "Can I look with you Daddy?"
His dad asks again "Can your diск touch your аss?"
"No."
"Then no."
Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies.
His dad walks into the kitchen and asks "Can I have a cookie?"
Timmy asks "Can your diск touch your аss?"
His dad replies "Yes."
"Then go fuск yourself these cookies are mine!"

44 0

Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sеx threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”
The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his реnis and теsтiсlе, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man еjасulатеd on nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”

44 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Nurse jokes

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sеx for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sеx drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viаgrа?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viаgrа into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted.
She left the doctor’s office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned.
She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head.
”How did it go?” the doctor asked.
”Terrible, doctor, terrible.”
”Did it not work?”
”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sеx that I’d had in 25 years.”
”Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

44 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes Coffee Jokes

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sеx. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

44 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Boss Jokes

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sеx."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

44 0

Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

44 0

Jokes about Women Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes Priest Jokes

The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband.
Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sеxy my darling."
The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."

44 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

A diск has a sad life.
His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an аsshоlе; his best friend is a рussy, and his owner beats him habitually.

44 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Vagina Jokes

Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.

44 1

Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guidо was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guidо reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sеx finally ends and, again, Guidо smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but dамnеd if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guidо reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guidо falls onto his back, gasping Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian."

44 0

Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes