Technology - Page 9

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car's hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman's вrа.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sеx.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.

28 0

What do you get if you cross a Kindle with an Apple iPhone 4S?
4Skin.

28 0

Apple and iPhone Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Phone jokes

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows... You don't find Chuck Norris; he finds you.

27 0

Chuck Norris Jokes Technology Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!

27 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Technology Jokes Relationship Jokes Nerd jokes

"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9

27 0

God Jokes Technology Jokes Science jokes Bible Jokes

Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!

27 0

Apple and iPhone Jokes Technology Jokes Dirty jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Flirt jokes Phone jokes

Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter?
When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner?
No?
Me neither.

27 0

Social Network Jokes Technology Jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes History Jokes

Yo Momma is so fат, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

27 0

Yo Momma Jokes Technology Jokes Fat Jokes Internet Jokes

A retiree and his aged wife started having problems in remembering, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the wife got up from her chair and her retired husband asks, "Where are you going?"
She replies, "To the kitchen."
he asks "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
She replies, "Sure." he then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
She says, "No, I can remember that." he then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
She says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
he replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top.
I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in her voice, she says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that."
She then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes she returns from the kitchen and hands him a plate of bacon and eggs.
He stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

27 0

Food Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”

27 0

Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Customer service jokes Boss Jokes

Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.

26 0

Chuck Norris Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

26 0

Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -- because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

26 0

Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Military Jokes

The Perfect Man
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.
He must be musical.
Tell jokes.
Sing.
And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"

26 0

Jokes about Women Technology Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Coffee Jokes

How do you electrocute a blonde?
Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.

26 0

Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes

How do barmen surf the web?
On the Gin-ternet.

26 0

Technology Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Internet Jokes

Black man says to siri:
"Take me home"
Siri replies:
"Taking you the quickest route to jail."

25 0

Men jokes Technology Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Prison Jokes Black People Jokes

As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job.
I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.
"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"

25 0

Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Kids Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.

25 0

Aviation Jokes Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Yo mama so fат, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.

25 0

Yo Momma Jokes Technology Jokes