Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nакеd."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hеll did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
A blonde joke An Irishman, an Aussie and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Aussie opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Steak again! If I get steak one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, strasburg again! If I get a strasburg sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Aussie opened his lunch, saw steak and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the strasburg and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Aussie's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him ham & cheese! I didn't realise he hated steak so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch.
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED МURDЕR (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wаd of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wаd of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
ne blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'
Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his Blonde brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill.'
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But when the $200.00 bills kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.
'Well,' said the Blonde brother, 'you said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie.
So I rented him a tuxedo.'
A blonde walks into an empty bar on New Year's Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy new year.
"Well," starts the bartender, "the rates are pretty high on New Year's. You'll have to leave me a couple of bucks."
"Oh, dаrn!" she replies, "I don't have a dime! What am I gonna do? This is my first holiday without my family." The bartender gives it about 2 seconds thought and comes back with a proposal.
"Why don't you just come back here behind the bar... I'm sure we can work out a way for you to speak with them."
Eagerly, the blonde runs behind the bar just as the bartender starts to unzip his fly and pull out his реnis. "Okay, honey," he says as he gestures towards his growing оrgаn, "just put your mouth up to this!"
Desperately wanting to do as he says, the girl kneels down and does what she's told.
She brings her mouth up to his crotch and quizzically goes "Hello, Mom?"