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Blonde Jokes

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A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. The blonde is looking at the bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that sais "Ocean Cruise Only 5$" She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stood up and nocks the blonde unconcious. When the blonde wakes up she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her freinds (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her. In a Joking manner blonde she looks at her freind and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"
The other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year."
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What does a blonde have in common with a noodle? A: They both wiggle when you eat them.
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At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to the Moon.
The Redheads speak up "That's been done before, we're going to go to Mars".
The Blondes speak up "That's nothing, we're going to be the first people to go to the Sun".
One of the reporters says "Don't you idiots know that you'll burn up?"
The Blondes say "NO WE WON'T; WE'RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!"
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This is the last joke of the day, but not the last “fun” thing I will post to my blog. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde worked as office assistants for Mrs. Jessell. They realized that Mrs. Jessell was leaving work early every day, so one day they decided that when she left early, they'd sneak out a few minutes later. Minutes after Mrs. Jessell left, they all did the same. The brunette took a nap. The redhead got ready for a date. The blonde went over to her boyfriends house. When she walked in, she saw Mrs. Jessell and her boyfriend smooching on the couch. She backed out the door without them noticing her, feeling very shaky. The next afternoon, after Mrs. Jessell left work early, the brunette and redhead said they were going to go home as well. But the still shaky blond decided to stay behind. “Why?” they asked her. “Because,” she replied, “yesterday I almost got caught.”
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A taxi driver in a Mercedes-Benz picked up a blonde woman at the airport one day. When she got in and they started on their way she enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. In a jovial mood, the driver replied "Well, it's for lining it up at people, so you can run them down". "Ah I see", said the woman. With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman, but at the last second swerves away. A loud ваng startles him and he looks curiously over at his passenger who appears to be hanging out of the car with the door wide open:
"I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"
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What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
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A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him!"
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," the young woman laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
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Why can't blondes be pharmacists? A: They can't figure out how to fit the perscription bottle in the typewriter.
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A blonde, a redhead, and brunette decided to go on a hike. The redhead said,
"I brought water, so in case we get thirsty, we will have something to drink." And she started up the hill.
The brunette said,
"I brought food, so in case we get hungry, we will have something to eat." And she started up the hill.
The brunette and the redhead turned around and asked the blonde, "What'd you bring?"
The blonde said,
"I brought a car door. In case we get hot, we can roll down the window.
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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says,
"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
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The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, "What the heck," and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
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There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.
She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.
In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"
The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said,
"Don't panic help in on the way... Where do you live?"
The blonde said,
"In a house, now hurry!!"
Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"
The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"
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Blondes in a Lightning Storm Smile If You're Blonde Los gallegos y los relámpagos Warum mögen Blondinen Gewitter Ξανθιές Φωτογραφία. Защо блондинките се усмихват като има буря? Въпрос: Was macht eine Blondine wenn es blitzt? Sie steigt auf’s Dach und macht Posen weil sie denkt Perché durante i temporali i carabinieri sorridono? Warum gehen Burgenländer auf das Dach wenn es blitzt? Damit sie auch aufs Photo kommen! Pourquoi les blondes sourient toujours lors d'un orage électrique? Elles pensent que quelqu'un les prend en photo. Idą dwie blondynki przez burzę. Pierwsza pyta się drugiej: - Co robisz? - Uśmiecham się. - A po co? - By dobrze wypaść na zdjęciu. Vet ni varför norrmän tittar upp i himlen när det åskar? - För att de tror att de blir fotograferade. Pourquoi les blondes se mettent tout le temps devant la fenêtre lors d'un orage ? Parce qu'elles veulent être sur la photo. ¿Por qué las rubias sonrien cuando cae un rayo? Porque se creen que les están sacando una fotografía. - Vet du hvorfor svenskene ser opp på himmelen og smiler når det lyner? - Nei. - De tror de blir fotograferte. Hvorfor tager århusianerne deres pæne tøj på i tordenvejr? – De tror de skal have taget billeder - Hvorfor tager århusianerne pænt tøj på Immer wenn es blitzt und donnert stehen die Ostfriesen auf ihrem Balkon und schauen freundlich in den Himmel. Warum? Weil sie meinen der Liebe Gott fotografiere sie. Hvorfor smiler blondinene når det lyner og tordner? - De tror det blir tatt bilder av dem.. Vraag: Waarom gaat een belg voor het raam staan als het onweert ? Antwoord: Hij denkt dat er een foto wordt gemaakt ! Varför gillar blondiner blixtoväder? Dom tror någon försöker ta kort på dom Dlaczego blondynka uśmiecha się Kodėl blondinė stovi prie lango kai žaibuoja? - Todėl Zinot del ko blondines sipsosi ir stovi prie lango kaip zaibuoja? Jos galvoja kad jas fotografuoja
Why did the blonde keep stopping then smile during a lightning storm? A: She thought she was getting her picture taken.
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A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers. She walks up to the pharmacist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
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Sam en Moos checken of alles het doet van de auto. Zegt Sam: "Doen de koplampen het?" Zegt Moos: "Ja" Sam: "De remlichten?" Moos: "Ja" Sam: "En de richtingsaanwijzer?" Moos: " Ja... nee... ja......
A blonde and her boyfriend had just come back from a party when the boyfriend asked the blonde if his car's headlights were blinking.
The blonde replied, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no".
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How did the blonde break her nose?
Her boyfriend put a $100 bill under a glass table.
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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back
How does a blonde кill a fish?
She drowns it
How does a blonde кill a worm?
She burys it
How does a blonde кill a bird?
She throws it of a cliff
How do you кill a blonde?
You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool/you put a соndом on top of a flag pole
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A cop sees a car weaving so he pulls it over. He walks up and sees it's a blonde behind the wheel. When he bends down, he smells вооzе on her breath. He says,
"I'm going to give you a Breathalyzer test to see if you're under the influence of alcohol."
She blows up the balloon, then he walks it back to the police car. He comes back to her car and says,
"It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She says,
"You mean it shows that, too?"
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