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Blonde Jokes

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Do you think when sеxy blondes go on роrn websites they get adverts popping up saying, “A fат guy from nearby wants to have sеx with you”?
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A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the dаrn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says,”Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?”
Her neighbor replies,”Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.”
She says Well, what the heck it can’t hurt to try it.
Next day her neighbor asks how it worked.
“So so,” she answers. “The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”
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Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the веnт ones.
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If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive.
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A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said,
"Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?
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Anant: I can't marry you. My family members don't agree.
Blonde: Who's there in you family, who is opposing ?
Anant: My wife and 2 kids.
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A man in an office sees a blonde next to a fax machine crying her eyes out. He asks her what’s wrongs and she says
“It’s this machine! I can’t get it to send a fax!”
The man shows her how to do and the piece of paper goes through the machine, at this the blonde sobs loudly again and says “But it’s still here!”
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An old man is sitting by himself at a park bench crying, when along walks a police officer. With genuine concern the police officer approaches the old man, “is everything OK sir?”
The old man looks up, “no it’s not, every morning I wake up to a beautiful 22 year old blonde, we make passionate love and then she cooks me breakfast with bacon, sausages, eggs and everything else I love. After that she gives me a bath, taking care of all the extra details.
She then makes me lunch which is followed by some more passionate love. In the evening she cooks me dinner and before we go to bed we have some crazy wild sеx.”
The police officer scratching his head, “well what on earth could be wrong with that? what are you so upset about?”
The old man looks up with clear frustration and defeat, “I can’t remember where I live”.
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One day, a blonde walked into a store. She examined some of the items on the shelves before walking over to the store owner and saying:
“I’d like to buy that TV, please.” The man replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” So, that night, she goes home and dies her hair brown. She goes back to the store the next day, and walks up to the owner, saying “I would like to buy that TV, please.” The man once again replied, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” Frustrated, she went home, died all her hair black, then came back to the store, and said:
“I would like to buy that TV.” The owner of the store replied in a slightly amused voice, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.” At the end of her limit, the blonde cut all of her hair off, went to the store, and said, “I’d like to buy that TV.” The man said, “We don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde, extremely frustrated, said, “How do you even know I’m a blonde?!” The man replied, in a calm voice:
“For starters that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave.”
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A blonde said,
"I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
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The blonde Anna made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and lie down on examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the Anna, blushing, "but It would have been better to have my husband's baby.
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My mate Dave the fireman was in a burning building the other day when he came across a trapped sеxy вusтy 19 year old blonde.
He said “you’re the 4th pregnant woman I’ve rescued this year”
She said “I’m not pregnant”
Dave said, “yeah, and you’re not fсuкing rescued yet either”
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Two people are texting. One is called Stacy who is blonde and the other is called Rachel who is a brunette.
Rachel: Hey sorry I lost my phone I can't text right now.
Stacy: Well can you PLEASE find it I really want to text you... you are my best friend!!!
Rachel: You're an idiот.
Stacy: Umm I'm not the one who lost my phone can you just text me when you find it?
Rachel: You're such a blonde. Read my first text again.
Stacy: IK !!! FIND YOUR PHONE !!!
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What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.
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One guy to another; they say brunettes have a sweeter disposition than blondes and redheads. Don’t believe it! My wife has been all three, and I couldn’t see any difference.
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There are three girls. A redhead, a brunette and a blonde. They're at the gates of heaven and God was waiting. God said,"there are one hundred steps and for each step there will be a joke if you laugh at it you go to hеll."
The redhead went first and got to joke eight before she busted up laughing she went to hеll. The brunette went next and got to joke eighty-two before she busted up laughing so, she went to hеll. The blonde got to joke one hundred and started laughing before God told the final joke and said,"why are you laughing I haven't even told the joke yet?" The blonde said," I just got joke 1."
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A blonde walks into a doctors office with a gunshot wound in her hand. The doctor asks, "How did this happen?" She replies,
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide. I stuck the gun to my head and then... Just before I pulled the trigger... I thought, this is going to be loud. So I covered my other ear before pulling the trigger"..... Ab!!!!!
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Anant: And therefore, sреrм cells are made up of fructose. So its sweet to taste.
Blonde: But it doesn't even taste like that... Anant: Because sweetness taste buds are situated at tip of tongue inlt
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