Blonde Jokes

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A blond told her friend that she was done with men for life. “They lie, they cheat and they’re just no good. From now on when I want sеx, I’m going to use my viвrатоr”
“So, what do you do when the batteries run out?” asked her friend.
“I’ll just fake an оrgаsм like always.”

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A blonde is out walking in the forest when she is attacked by two men. Suddenly, an avenging hero in a black mask and flowing black cape jumps out of the bushes waving a sword and successfully chases off the two men. The blonde is thrilled to bits, falling instantly in love with her gallant rescuer.
“I hope you will never forget who rescued you,” says the hero as he uses his sword to draw a large ‘Z’ on the forest floor.
“Oh thank you!” says the blonde. “Thank you, Superman!”

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How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde? They both don't exist

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A blonde couple went to adopt a child.
Assistant:How can I help you
Couple:We want to adopt a baby
Assistant:Come and take a look. Couple:Ooohhh this chinese baby is cute but will come get it later
Assistant:why not now?
Couple:First we'll have to learn how to speak Chinese.

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Anna 2 Mom: Mom I have started loving a Boy!
Mom angry: What?? How old is he? What does he do?
Anna: He is 3 months old. Happily kicking in my stomach.

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A blonde female cop pulls over another female blonde. The cop say "Can i have you're license mam?". The blonde looks in her purse for 2 minutes and gets mad and says " What does it look like?"
The cop says "Its square with you're face on it.". The blonde keeps looking. She finds a square mirror and looks in it, and her reflection is there. She hands it to the cop. The cop looks and says "Oh i didn't realize you were a cop.".

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A Blonde a brunet and a redhead are about to be executed the brunet goes up first the executioner yells ready aim and the brunet yells earthquake the brunet escapes then its the redheads turn the executioner yells ready aim the redhead yells tornado she escapes too then the blonds goes up she knows what the other 2 did the executioner yells ready aim and the blonde yells fire...... think about it and kickass if you get it

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There is a blond a brenet and a red head they all go hunting and the first one that goes hunting is the brenet so she goes and comes back with a rabbit and the others ask "how did you do that?!" and she said I found tracks followed tracks and got the rabbit so the redhead says "let me see that!" she goes and she comes and the blond says "how did you do that?!" and she says found track followed tracks got the rabbit so the blond takes the gun and goes and comes back with no gun no rabbit with a broken arm eye ball poping out and they ask her what happened and she said found tracks got hit by a train

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Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, “I think they’re deer tracks!”
The second blonde said, “I think they’re dog tracks!”
The third blonde said, “Well, I think they’re соw tracks!”
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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After chatting up this fit blonde in the club last night, I pulled out my phone..
“Do you think I could have your number?” I asked.
“Well, maybe.” She replied. “But it’d be a hеll of a coincidence.”

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A blonde was in the hairdressers and she says, “My boyfriend has an itchy, flaky scalp, can you recommend anything”?
The hairdresser says “Have you tried “Head and Shoulders”, that should do the trick”
The blonde says “Oh, I never thought of that,……………err, how do you give shoulders”?

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I was walking along the street with my wife when this blonde approached me “Dave?” she enquired “remember me we went back to my place after the nightclub a few weeks ago?”
Had I had any other occupation other than a taxi driver I don’t think I’d have talked my way out of that one.

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Why does a blond wear a tight skirt? To keep here legs closed.

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À brunette was walking along the creek and saw a blonde across the creek. She asked her how did you get on the other side. The blonde looked at her surroundings and replied you are on the other side.

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Always tired
A blonde goes to her doctor Anant complaining that she is
Exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the Anant gets around to asking her how often she has inтеrсоursе. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says. The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"

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A blonde went fishing and there was a hole in her boat where water was leaking through. To fix it she made another hole in the boat to drain the water.

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What do Blondes do immediately after sеx?
5% sleep straight away
5% go to bathroom to wash
5% read a book
85% go look for their vibrators!!

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A blonde was very cold, so she sat next to the candle.
She was still cold, but she was so cold that she couldn't move!
She screamed until her boyfriend came.
Then her boyfriend lit the candle.

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