A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sеxy blonde wife alone.
The night before he left, he brought home a viвrатоr and gave it to her.
“What’s this for?” she asked.
“It’s for those lonely nights when you miss me,” explained her husband, winking. “Just think of it as something to take my place when you get the mood.”
A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the Viвrатоr in the garbage.
“Honey,” he says, “why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I’m gone.”
“I did,” she said. “But the dамnеd thing Rattled my fillings loose.
This teacher is teaching her grade four class, and she’s telling them that the word of the day is ‘contagious.’ She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several people stick up their hands. “Carl,” she says.
Carl says, “My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, ’cause they’re contagious.”
“Very good,” says the teacher.
Then she picks Suzie, who says, “The atmosphere was contagious,” and the teacher says, “Excellent, Suzie!”
Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up, at the back of the class.
“Yes, Johnny?” she says. Johnny says, “The other day, me and my dad’s a-sittin around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, “Jesus, it’s gonna take that c*nt ages to finish that fence.”
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were waiting for an elevator.
On the floor, next to the elevator door, was a tiny puddle of milky liquid.
The brunette notices it first and says, “Oh my God, that looks like sемеn.”
The redhead bends down and sniffs, “Oh my God, this smells like sемеn.”
The blonde gets down on one knee, dips her finger in it, and sticks the finger in her mouth to taste it and blurts out, “It’s not anybody from our building.”