Christmas Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer.

0

0

When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room of course!

0

0

“Darling, what do you think we should give Granny for Christmas?”
“The most precious thing we have!”
“Oh, what’s that?”
“Our children for babysitting!”
Little Johnny by the Christmas tree:
“And are all these gifts from Santa?”
“Yes Johnny,” beams his mother.
“Oh, so you didn’t get me a dаrn thing again this year, did you.”

0

0

Dear Santa, this year, I really don’t need you to bring me anything. Actually, could you possibly take away my mother in law?

0

0

“Boss, can I take tomorrow off? My wife really needs help with Christmas cleaning,” asks Joe.
“Are you out of your head, man? I can’t give you a day off for this!” rumbles the boss.
“Oh thanks a lot, boss,” Joe smiles, relieved, “I knew I could rely on you!”

0

0

Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes.
It is also on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.

0

0

Why are there no chimney sweeps in Scotland?
Why pay for something that Santa does regularly for free?

0

0

Billy asks his friend Joe, “Why would you want two sets of trains for Christmas?!”
-
“Because I still want to get to play when my dad is home!”

0

0

Cats have it so much better… They have an indoor litterbox all year round. Dogs only get less than a month of living-room Christmas tree.

0

0

So – Santa is this foreign guy with a host of small people who build the toys we give our kids?
Santa must be Chinese.

0

0

What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
Frothy the Snowman.

0

0

It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Sатаn.

0

0

In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
“Do they get any вiggеr by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”

0

0

Do you want to know if there really is a Santa? Simply light a good fire on Christmas Eve.

0

0

What do snowmen do in their spare time?
They’re just chilling.

0

0

What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.

0

0

What is any parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

0

0

Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?
The ones with the hо-hо-hole.

0

0