Christmas Jokes

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“Darling, what do you think we should give Granny for Christmas?”
“The most precious thing we have!”
“Oh, what’s that?”
“Our children for babysitting!”
Little Johnny by the Christmas tree:
“And are all these gifts from Santa?”
“Yes Johnny,” beams his mother.
“Oh, so you didn’t get me a dаrn thing again this year, did you.”

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A dog is gazing up at the Christmas tree and sighs with satisfaction, “Oh, my master is the best, as always. What dog can say they’ve had electrical lights installed in their indoor toilet?”

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Dear Santa, this year, I really don’t need you to bring me anything. Actually, could you possibly take away my mother in law?

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Christmas is on my mind the whole 12 months before it comes.
It is also on my Visa bill the whole 12 months afterwards.

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Why are there no chimney sweeps in Scotland?
Why pay for something that Santa does regularly for free?

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Billy asks his friend Joe, “Why would you want two sets of trains for Christmas?!”
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“Because I still want to get to play when my dad is home!”

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Cats have it so much better… They have an indoor litterbox all year round. Dogs only get less than a month of living-room Christmas tree.

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So – Santa is this foreign guy with a host of small people who build the toys we give our kids?
Santa must be Chinese.

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What do you get when you make a snowman really, really mad angry?
Frothy the Snowman.

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It’s a good thing Santa doesn’t suffer from dyslexia.
It would be inconvenient to receive a Christmas visit from Sатаn.

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And who brings presents to little sharks who’ve been good the whole year?
Santa Jaws!

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In the morning of Christmas Eve, a lady rummages through the last remaining turkeys in the supermarket freezer.
“Do they get any вiggеr by any chance?” she asks the shop assistant with a sigh.
He looks at her for a while and says, “No madam, they are quite dead.”

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What do snowmen do in their spare time?
They’re just chilling.

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What does a bald guy say when you give him a comb for Christmas?
Oh thanks… I shall never part with it.

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What is any parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

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Which type of donuts does Santa prefer?
The ones with the hо-hо-hole.

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A good sign for a toy shop at Christmas: We speak hо-hо-hо here!

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What can you give away at Christmas and yet still keep?
Measles, for instance.

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