Christmas Jokes

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Why would no bank ever give Santa a loan?
Because all his accounts are frozen.

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Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.

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I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.

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Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!

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What is a correct name for an old snowman? Puddle.

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Santa is with us throughout our lives, although his presence can be categorized in four main stages:
1. You are a believer in Santa.
2. You are not a believer in Santa.
3. You pretend to be Santa.
4. You look like Santa without even trying.

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Mum, are we going to have Grandpa Joe for Christmas?
No, darling, Just the turkey.

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All throughout the Christmas Eve and the silent wonders of the magical night, it is a happy Christmas. Then the kids barge into the living room in search of gifts and turn the season to a happy Christmess.

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Santa has a good employment package. 1 month – Santa Claus, 11 months – Santa pause.

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What goes oh-oh-oh? Santa doing the moonwalk.

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Oh, by the way – the book I gave you for Christmas must be returned to the library next week.

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What does Santa say when he enters the toy workshop near Christmas?
Alright everybody, sacking time!

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What keeps falling but never gets hurt?
The snow.

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I heard of a guy who shoplifted an Advent calendar. He got 24 days.

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Dad, and where is Santa from?”
“Well, judging by the majority of the gifts, I’d say he is from China.”

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When the three kings came to visit newborn Jesus, one of them slipped on the straw and twisted his ankle. “Jesus Сhrisт!” he yelled in pain.
Mary looked questioningly at Joseph and said, “That actually sounds a lot better than Chester, doesn’t it?”

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What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?
A hairdryer.

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When I was buying our Christmas tree, the cheery seller asked if I’d be putting it up myself.
Disgusting man, I’ll be putting it in our living room of course!

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