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Christmas Jokes

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What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies? Santa’s burps.
What is invisible and does NOT smell like milk and cookies? Santa’s farts.
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Isn't it embarrassing how Santa ends up having the same wrapping paper like your mum and dad.
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At Christmas, mother says to Little Johnny, "Go on and light up the Christmas tree Johnny.“
Johnny runs off happily and comes back after a while, asking, „Should I light up the candles, too“
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Why should you never mess with Santa?
Because he’s got a black belt.
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Fox News reported news of an unidentified flying object on Christmas Eve.
It was a U-F-hо-hо-hо.
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Little girl wrote to Santa, asking him to give her a baby sister for Christmas.
Santa replied promptly, asking her to send her mother.
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Where does Santa send the elves‘ wages?
To the snow bank.
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Why do spies rarely enjoy the Christmas holidays?
They hate giving away their presence.
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Never fight Santa Claus. He has a black belt.
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How do we know Santa is a man?
No woman with an ounce of dignity would wear the same outfit for so many years running.
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Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes in Christmas wrapping paper. When your child misbehaves, toss one into the fire.
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Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?
Because huskies can’t fly.
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What’s the price of Santa's sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
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Why would no bank ever give Santa a loan?
Because all his accounts are frozen.
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Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.
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I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.
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A boy is running around his yard in early December, chanting, “I SO WISH I GOT A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS!”
An elderly man watches him go on for a while, then comes over and says, “Son, what is this about, Santa ain’t deaf, you know?
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The little boy, out of breath, smiles, “He probably isn’t, but my auntie Jane is.”
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Christmases are always quite hard on the turkeys, but at least they don’t go hungry. In fact, they are stuffed since morning!
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