Christmas Jokes

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What happened to the Portuguese man when he got no presents for Christmas?
He got post-Natal depression

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I got my kid a puppy for Christmas but it died.
Now all I have is this puppy.

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Cinderella was waiting for her christmas photos to be sent in the mail.
Even though they were very late she stayed positive, thinking: ‘One day my prints will come’.

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Where do you go to have a white Christmas in the 1940s?
Germany

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What do all Muslim girls want for Christmas?
Blow up dolls.

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Darth Vader is fighting Luke Skywalker...
Darth Vader says to Luke:
"Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."
Luke:
"How could you possibly know?"
Vader:
"I felt your presents."

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My friend wants to look more like Kurt Cobain.
I'm getting him a shotgun for Christmas.

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What does Rick Grimes do at Christmas?
Go Christmas CORALing

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Jokes on this subreddit is every Christmas present from an old person...
You get it, you appreciate the thought, but then you give it away to someone else in a slightly different packaging without a second thought.

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George Michael was jus here...
And then wham!
It was his last Christmas

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Last Christmas, George Michael's heart gave up...
Now he's never gonna dance again.

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So I guess 2016 was George Michael's
Last Christmas

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A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party...
He was in the Menorah Tee.

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My co-workers must be atheists because they hate when I greet them "Merry Christmas!"
It doesn't seem to matter whether I greet them from over or under the bathroom stall.

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What am I not taking on Christmas this year?
Noels

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I decided to get my girlfriend and her sister new jackets for Christmas
That is why I bought a pair of new gloves.

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If the majority of people in the US celebrate Christmas
Then the amount of people that celebrate Hanukkah are in the menorahty

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What does a drug addict and a child have in common?
They both want tablets for Christmas.

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