Christmas Jokes

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A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says,
"Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

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A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

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What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?
He farted a сrаскеr.

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I went to shop to buy a Christmas tree.
The man in the shop asked if I'll put it up myself.
I said that I'll actually put it in the living room.

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Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward?
Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.

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I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

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People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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Sherlock joke (my first post here)
Patient: \**dying of cancer*\* No chance for you to be a doctor this time, Mr Homes!
Doctor: Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high functioning homeopath. Merry Christmas! \**cuts off morphine supply\**

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I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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What did the flat-earther say when he got a frisbee for Christmas?
Oh boy! A basketball!

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I've just ordered a book called Overcome Procrastination
I intend to read it over the Christmas holiday.

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What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday?
Christmas, Carl

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How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents…

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Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?
Because he was on the Nautilus...

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My 5 year old daughter wants a Тамроn for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

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I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size
Oops, wrong thread

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My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...
Fortunately they missed.

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What does a Christmas tree and a monk have in common?
They both have ornamental balls

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