Christmas Jokes

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Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward?
Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.

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I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

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People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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What did the flat-earther say when he got a frisbee for Christmas?
Oh boy! A basketball!

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I've just ordered a book called Overcome Procrastination
I intend to read it over the Christmas holiday.

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What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday?
Christmas, Carl

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Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat

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How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents…

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Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?
Because he was on the Nautilus...

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My 5 year old daughter wants a Тамроn for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

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I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size
Oops, wrong thread

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What does a Christmas tree and a monk have in common?
They both have ornamental balls

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I wonder if George Michael was a оrgаn donor
So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas.

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The Jedi know what we're getting for Christmas
They have sensed our presents

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What do Christmas lights have in common with jeffery Epstein
They dont hang themselves

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Hey! You know, they've started offering free meditation retreats at the North Pole!
Turns out the Christmas elves are really present minded.

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My mate wished me a Merry Christmas earlier.
A bit early, yes, but he suffers from premature congratulation.

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