Christmas Jokes

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A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

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Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "моrоn" at him.

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Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.

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Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

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I like my women how I like my Christmas trees.
Illegally taken in the forest.

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I've got a Christmas сrаскеr joke so good it can't wait.
Why do crackers love Santa? Because he's white.

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I got a lump of coal last Christmas...
Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

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So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!

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What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws

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What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'hо hо hо' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.

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Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks

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I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!

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I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself"
I said "no it's going in the living room"

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A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says,
"Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

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A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

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What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?
He farted a сrаскеr.

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Thanks to the idiots who set off fireworks last night.
It's only October! You scared my dogs so much that they knocked over my Christmas tree!

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I went to shop to buy a Christmas tree.
The man in the shop asked if I'll put it up myself.
I said that I'll actually put it in the living room.

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