Christmas Jokes

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I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.

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This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.

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What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish

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I feel sorry for those who are unable to afford food and drink this season.
You know it's bad when Mariah Carey can't even afford juice. She is so hard pressed that she even made a song about it. You know, all she wants for Christmas is juice.

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What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman?
Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead.

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I made snow angels this Christmas...
My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.

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A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

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Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "моrоn" at him.

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Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.

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What Christmas carol will Donald Trump be singing all month?
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

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Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

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I like my women how I like my Christmas trees.
Illegally taken in the forest.

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I got a lump of coal last Christmas...
Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

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So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!

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What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws

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What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'hо hо hо' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.

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Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks

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I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!

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