Christmas Jokes

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What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish

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He says to his wife:
"Sleeping with you is like Christmas, Birthday and the 4th of July in a single moment."
To which she replies:
"Well, each of those dates is just once per year too."

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I feel sorry for those who are unable to afford food and drink this season.
You know it's bad when Mariah Carey can't even afford juice. She is so hard pressed that she even made a song about it. You know, all she wants for Christmas is juice.

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I made snow angels this Christmas...
My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.

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A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

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Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "моrоn" at him.

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Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.

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What Christmas carol will Donald Trump be singing all month?
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

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Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

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I like my women how I like my Christmas trees.
Illegally taken in the forest.

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I've got a Christmas сrаскеr joke so good it can't wait.
Why do crackers love Santa? Because he's white.

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I got a lump of coal last Christmas...
Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

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What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws

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What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'hо hо hо' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.

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Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks

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I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!

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Some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Ное Ное Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
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*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

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I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself"
I said "no it's going in the living room"

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