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Christmas Jokes

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You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A:
"Wrap" music!
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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
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Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
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yo mommas so fат when Santa comes down the chimley he saids hо hо holy shiт..........
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Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
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Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester Ham: Hej If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg Hey girl
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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Chicken to turkey:
"Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house.
When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him.
He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her вrеаsт. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood nакеd in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"
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Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
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The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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Santa rides in a sleigh.
What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
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My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
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The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
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What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
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