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Christmas Jokes

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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
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A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
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Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
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Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
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Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester Ham: Hej If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg Hey girl
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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Chicken to turkey:
"Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house.
When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him.
He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her вrеаsт. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood nакеd in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"
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Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
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The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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Στολίδια Ποιά η ομοιότητα ανάμεσα σε έναν γέρο και στο Χριστουγεννιάτικο δέντρο; Τα μπαλάκια По какво си приличат свещеника и коледното дърво? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un arbre de Noël ? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un sapin de Noël ? Aucune: dans les deux cas les boules servent uniquement à décorer. ou bien Les boules du sapin servent au moins une fois dans l'année ! A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only. Hvad er ligheden imellem et juletræ og en steriliseret mand? - Kuglerne hænger kun til pynt Hvad er ligheden på en munk og et juletræ? - Kuglene er kun til pynt. Wat is de overeenkomst tussen de paus en een kerstboom? Bij allebei hangen de ballen er voor de sier! - Mi a közös a pap és a karácsonyfa között? - ???? - Mind a kettőn díszek a golyók. Qual a semelhança entre uma Árvore de Natal e um padre? As bolas são só de enfeite! Le sapin de noël et le curé Quelle est la différence entre un sapin de noël et un curé? Dans les deux cas les boules sont là que pour faire joli What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both have balls just for decoration.
Q: What do Christmas trees and priests have in common?
A: Their ваlls are just for decoration.
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Santa rides in a sleigh.
What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
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Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
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The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
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What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
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The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came.
Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem."
Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a реnis or an Air Pump."
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Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present.
Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar.
But one kid got only a pair of socks.
A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid:
LHey, what a shiттy present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively.
"So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
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