Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

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A man with a bag of Lays potato сhiрs taunted Chuck Norris:
"Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the сhiрs, the bag, and the man.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to кill you.

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Chuck Norris wrote all the Choose Your Own Adventure books under pen names to hide the fact that they are autobiographical.

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Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

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Chuck Norris eats lightning and shiтs out thunder.

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Chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and pooped it out solved.

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50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.

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Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.

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Big Brother isn't watching you.
Chuck Norris is watching you!

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Chuck Norris once played with Legos.
The result was The Great Pyramids.

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Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.

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Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up.
Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!

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If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all.
Your life may be forfeit.

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Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!

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Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris adds Facebook as a friend.

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When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.

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