Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris has 2 kids.
We know them as Pain and Suffering.

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When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears.
Candyman ain't sтuрid.

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Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.

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Lou Gehrig considered himself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth, no one knew that it was because he was soon getting away from Chuck Norris.

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The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.

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Wolverine has been called indestructible because of his adamantium skeleton... until Chuck Norris broke every воnе in his body.

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Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

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The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.

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Why does Chuck Norris have a beard?
A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?

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Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.

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Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.

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Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.

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Chuck Norris always knows where x is.

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Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burnt; that would be a foolish thing for the sun to do.

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When Jacques Cousteau reached the bottom of the sea he found Chuck Norris snorkeling.

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Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.

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Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.

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Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.

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