Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris once won a blinking contest against a statue!

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When you come to a road that says "ONE WAY", that mean Chuck Norris is the other way.

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How much white out does Chuck Norris use?
Don't be silly - Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.

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When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he puts on sunscreen to protect the sun from him.

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Chuck Norris DNA is classified.

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Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.

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If, by some incredible space-time parodox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win.
Period.

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James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried...Ever.

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Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier. In half.

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Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.

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Chuck Norris can experience a once in a life time occurrence........twice

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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

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Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a рussy.

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After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.

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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.

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When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.

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The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.

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