Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.

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Chuck Norris watched the entire Lord of the Rings without blinking.

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Chuck Norris wears sunglasses not to protect his eyes from the sun, but to protect the sun from Chuck Norris.

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No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.

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Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.

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Chuck Norris lights campfires with fire ants.

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The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun.
The Earth is stationary.
The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.

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Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.

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The only reason world peace doesn't exist is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like bringing peace to the whole world.

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Chuck Norris speaks english, french, spanish, italian and portuguese.
At the same time in every sentence.

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When Chuck Norris put his hand over a magnet, the magnet comes to him out of pure fear.

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The Dead Sea was formerly known as The Living Sea.
Until it met Chuck Norris.

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When you look for Chuck Norris on Wikipedia, it redirects you to the article titled "Roundhouse kick."

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The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.

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When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap.
When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.

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Water can drown if Chuck Norris stays underwater for too long.

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Chuck Norris doesn't break bricks.
They fold under pressure.

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Researchers once tried to measure Chuck Norris' IQ, but found that numbers don't count that high.

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