Chuck Norris

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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.

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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

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Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.

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Nuclear weapons were discovered after a failed attempt to harness the power of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can кill you, revive you, and кill you again.

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Evolution's driving mechanism is nature's desperate attempt to escape Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes..... He just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.

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Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.

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If Chuck Norris told you to jump off a bridge, would you?
Of course you would.

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Chuck Norris has stared Fear in the face... and Fear looked away.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a security system. Chuck Norris is a security system.

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Chuck Norris once broke the land bike speed record with a bike with a lost chain and a missing back wheel.

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Motley Crue released a new song called "Roundhouse Kickstart My Heart" dedicated to Chuck Norris.
It will be number one in the top 40 forever.

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The names 'Adam and Eve' were simply coverups.
They were really Chuck and Norris.

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When someone is in trouble it's a job for Superman, when Superman is in trouble it's a job for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris lives in a all white house with all white furniture and all white carpet.
Why?
Dirt knows better.

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Chuck Norris hates both the player and the game.

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The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris.
It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette

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