-A LIST OF EVERYTHING WRONG BIEBER HAS DONE- 27. Declared his retirement on Christmas Eve (December 2013)
26. Was photographed smoking рот (January 2013)
25. Showed up to a concert in London two hours late on a school night; booed by fans (March 2013)
24. Kicked out of a nightclub in Chicago for drinking underage (July 2013)
23. Hosted a loud party at his home, which provoked neighbors to call the cops three times (November 2013)
22. Created graffiti on a hotel in Australia (November 2013) Was stopped at the Canadian border under suspicion of a tour bus connected with his tour having drugs on board (July 2013)
21. Got evicted from a London nightclub on his birthday for stinking the place up with рот and accused of attempting to sneak in his underage friend Jaden Smith; Bieber denied that accusation (March 2013)
20. Rumored to have had three bongs, two large cookie jars filled with рот, and the ingredients for Sizzurp in his house; cops were unable to seize any of it, because it would have exceeded their warrant; LA Sheriff's department denied the claims (January 2014)
19. Got detained at customs in Australia for suspicion of drug possession and using foul language (December 2013)
18. Forced his bodyguards to carry him up the Great Wall of China (October 2013)
17. Got into a fight with a paparazzo; аssаulт charges were never filed (May 2012)
16. Got into a “scuffle” with a DJ in South Korea who refused to play his requests (October 2013)
15. Was photographed apparently spitting on his fans; Bieber denies that’s what happened (July 2013)
14. Allegedly spit at a DJ, who filed a police report for the incident (July 2013)
13. Allegedly started a bar brawl in a New York nightclub, although he wasn’t personally involved in the fight (August 2013)
12. Peed in a bucket in the kitchen of a restaurant where he was eating (July 2013)
11. Was rumored to have cheated on Selena Gomez, causing their break-up (February 2013)
10. Got charged with a driving offense for driving up to 100 MPH in an attempt to lose the paparazzi that were following him (July 2012)
9. Groped a stripper at a sтriр club (October 2013)
8. Allegedly had drugs and a stun gun on his tour bus in Sweden, apprehended by police (April 2013)
7. Got himself barred from Germany for not paying an outstanding $800,000 fine (August 2013)
6. Was photographed coming out of a brothel in Brazil; the girl he allegedly slept with released a video of him sleeping online (November 2013)
5. Accused of egging his neighbor’s house and causing $20,000 worth of damages, making it a felony; Bieber's house was searched and his friend Lil Za was arrested (January 2014)
4. Accused of spitting at and threatening to кill his neighbor, who confronted him about his reckless driving; no charges were filed (October 2013)
3. Allegedly hit a paparazzo with his car; charges were later dismissed (July 2013)
2. Got arrested on charges of drag racing in a residential area, driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and driving with an expired license (January 2014)
1. Abandoned his pet monkey, OG Mally, in Germany after the animal was seized when Bieber couldn’t produce the right paperwork to take it on tour (March 2013)
The two inventors of the bungee rope went to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove into the air with the rope tied to his feet. The other guy, standing up on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed again and again there was a bruise on his head and face. This time, with much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and asked, "What happened? Is the cord too long?" His partner replied with his face all вlооdy, "What is piñata?"
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
“You know,” he says, “I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there’s always that doubt.”
His friend says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
“While I’m away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there’s always that doubt.”
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
“So did anything happen?”
“I have some bad news for you,” says the friend.
“The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light.”
“Then what happened?” says the man.
“I don’t know. It was too dark to see.”
“Fсuк! you see what I mean? There’s always that fсuкing doubt.”
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk who has just saved the natives from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
Sam Frank and Frank Sam were best friends. They did everything together, and they both loved music. Sam Frank was an accomplished pianist and Frank Sam was a harpist. They spent many happy hours playing duets. They both happened to die on the same day.
Frank Sam went to heaven, but apparently Sam Frank led a life that was not as chaste, for he ended up in Неll. After a few weeks, Frank Sam began to miss his life long friend so he went to Sаinт Peter and asked if he could go down and visit him in Неll. Sаinт Peter, after much discussion agreed, but told Frank Sam he must be back before midnight. The Pearly Gates closed at the last strike of the clock, and if he wasn't back he would have to remain in Неll forever.
Frank grabbed his harp and went to visit Sam. When he got down there, he discovered that Sam Frank was doing OK in Неll. He was the manager of a disco. The two old friends had a wonderful time together. They spent the day playing duets, and that night, they danced and partied in the disco. Suddenly Frank Sam heard the clock begin to strike midnight. He ran out of the disco and flew back to heaven as fast as he could. He barely made it in before the gates closed.
Soon after he arrived, he gasped and desperately started searching for Sаinт Peter. When he found him, he told Sаinт Peter that he had to go back to Неll right away. When Sаinт Peter asked why, Frank Sam began to wail, "I left my harp in Sam Frank's Disco..."
3 Dustbin Men, the driver and two other men, are going on their rounds asking for Christmas bonuses which they do yearly.
They stop at the first house and one man runs in and a women gives him £5. They move on to another house and a bloke gives him £6.
They pull up to the next house and the man runs in knocks on the door and a women answers and says “oh yes..come upstairs with me”..without reply he goes up and she gives him a good shаgging! Once they are finished she says now go and get your mate and tell him to come in for his ‘bonus’. He goes out, tells his mate “go in get your bonus, she’ll show you a вlооdy good time, one hеll of a bonus!” He goes in, she shows him upstairs and true to her word he gets a good fuск.
When their finished she says “go and get your driver and send him in for his bonus”, off he goes and says to the driver- “driver its your turn now, go on my son its one hеll of a Christmas bonus” so of he goes. He steps in the door very excited and instead of taking him upstairs she reaches for her purse and pulls out £5 and gives it to him. He says “what the hеll is this, you give my two friends the time of their life and you give me this?!”
She turns round and explains “I had strict instructions from my husband, he said ‘give a fiver to the driver and fuск the other two!!!'”
At my 40th high school reunion a friend asked me, ‘Why didn’t we have a drug problem when we were growing up?’ …
….
I replied that I had a drug problem when I was young: …
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I was drug to church on Sunday morning. …
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I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. ….
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I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. ….
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I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the pastor.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom or grandma’s garden and flower beds.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than сосаinе, сrаск, or hеrоin, and if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, the USA would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us.
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds
it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious,
the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth
Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played
in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously, "He's decomposing!"