At my 40th high school reunion a friend asked me, ‘Why didn’t we have a drug problem when we were growing up?’ …
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I replied that I had a drug problem when I was young: …
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I was drug to church on Sunday morning. …
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I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. ….
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I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. ….
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I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the pastor.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom or grandma’s garden and flower beds.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than сосаinе, сrаск, or hеrоin, and if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, the USA would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us.
A man comes home and finds he has a letter from the Inland Revenue, advising him that he’s going to be audited. In a panic, he calls his accountant:
“ОМG, I’m going to be audited, what do I do?” he says.
“Don’t worry, I have all your receipts and paperwork in order.” says the accountant. “But I have a piece of advice for you: wear scruffy clothes, that way the auditor will think you’re down on your luck and take pity on you.”
The man then calls his lawyer to see if there are any legal ramifications related to auditing that he should know about.
“…and remember, if anything doesn’t seem right, call me!” says the lawyer. “Oh, and one other thing: wear your best clothes so the auditor will think you’re well off and will respect you more.”
Now the man is confused; he’s got conflicting advice and doesn’t know what to do. So he goes to his pastor and explains the situation.
“Well, my son, let me tell you a story.” says the pastor. “Sometimes before the wedding, brides will come to me and say they’ve received conflicting advice on what to wear for their wedding night. One friend will tell them to wear something very modest but another friend tells them to wear something very rасy & revealing. I’m going to give you the same advice I give them.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” says the man.
“It doesn’t matter what you wear-your still gona get fuскеd!”