Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

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What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I маsтurвате.

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What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
A cancelled Czech!

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What is the diffrent between a chicken and a prostute
Chicken goes cockadoodle do
Prostute goes any соск will do.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
On the wall? Art.
On the floor? Matt.

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Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!

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Mommy, Mommy!
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."

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Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache?
'Cuz he'd been lookin' for love in all the wrong places.

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Q: What did the lереr say the the рrоsтiтuте?
A: Keep the tip.

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What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"

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Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty hоrny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sеx every five weeks and the woman gets sеx as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.

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What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a тамроn?
"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"

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Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?
A: A Shih-Tzpoo

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What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuск a table.

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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its аss chewed!

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What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet?
After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.

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An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.

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