Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

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What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What's grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

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Yeast + Billy Ray Cyrus = ?
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy тwат!

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fаrт, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hеll does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"

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I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying.
Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby.
I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.

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Never hold in a fаrт; that's something an аsshоlе would do.

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What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A belly button between her воовs.

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Q. What do you call two lеsвiаns with their period?
A. Finger painting.

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Q: What has two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a cat.

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There was a man who just got out of the army.
He was really hоrny and only had $5, so he went to a whоrе house. He told the women, ''Gimme anything you got.'' So then he is having sеx with this women and says ''Gosh, you're really rough inside.'' She says ''Hold on.'' and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says ''Now you're really smooth. What happened?'' She says, ''I picked off all the scabs.''

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Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fаrт in public?
A: A private tooter.

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Q: Why does a dog liск himself?
A: He can't make a fist.

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What do you get when you eat a prune pizza?
Pizzeria!

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Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?
A: He wiped.

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Some advice for guys:
When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.

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Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."
"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."
"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."

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A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere.
Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely nакеd lady who also had just become marooned. "Finally, some company!" he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, ''Hey, could you go walk the dog?''

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What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a вlооdy тамроn.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used соndом on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the ruмр rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a воnеr.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a воnеr.

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