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Вицове за Хитлер English Hitler-witze, Hitler Witze Español Русский Français Italiano Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Українська Português Polski Hitlerskämt Nederlands Dansk Norsk Hitler vitsit Magyar Româna Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Hitler jokes

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One day, Нiтlеr decided to test out the skills of several prisoners in Treblinka.
As the first test, he had his soldiers bring him out the three prisoners, then line them up before him.
"How high can you jump?" he asks the first one.
"About 1 meter," answers the prisoner.
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier.
"Take this one back to work, but give him 1 kilogram of rye bread."
After the soldier did as he was told, Нiтlеr stood before the second prisoner.
"How high can you jump?" he asks again.
After a moment of thinking, the prisoner says.
"Two meters, if I really try."
Hitler nodded before turning to his soldier again.
"Take this one back to work too, but give him two kilograms of rye bread."
Observing this, the third prisoner did the maths and hatched a plan.
Finally, Нiтlеr stood face to face with him.
"How high can you jump?" he asked him at last prisoner.
"My most illustrious Führer, I can jump 5 meters!" said the prisoner as a smug grin bloomed on his face.
Hitler frowned before turning to his soldier.
"Tell me, Walter: how tall are the walls around the camp?"
"Three meters, my Führer!" cried the soldier.
Hitler nodded again before turning to the last prisoner.
"In that case, shoot this one: he may become a problem in the future."
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Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
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Q: What did Нiтlеr get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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Q: What was the one thing Нiтlеr did well?
A: Кill himself.
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Q: If Нiтlеr would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with?
A: A dickhatership!
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I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Нiтlеr".
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I wonder if Нiтlеr would have been nicer to everyone if just once in a while someone had High-Fived him back?
==
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Нiтlеr couldn't?
Ended a race.
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Нiтlеr conquering another village while ww2 and he decided to give a chance for every woman in this village to save their families.
He made all men to stand nакеd one next to another in stright line and every woman have to find her husband by doing them bl*wjob.
First woman starts to suск and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, Mine!"
It's turn out that she was right so they could walk away free.
Second woman starts to suск:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, MINE!"
True again so Нiтlеr was deeply surprised and decided to stand in line between men of village.
Third woman starts to doing her job and saying:
"Not mine, not mine, not mine , not mine, not from this village, not mine...."
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Нiтlеr calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?"
Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a fuск about the jews."
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Why is Нiтlеr never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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Нiтlеr wasn't such a bad guy.
After all, he did кill Нiтlеr.
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I kind a feel sorry for Нiтlеr.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler
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Adolf Hitlers Selbstmord - Защо Хитлер се е самоубил? Perquè Hitler se suicido? -¿Cual fue el mayor susto de la historia para hitler? Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got his gas bill. Pourquoi Hitler s'est suicidé ? Parce qu'il a reçu la facture de gaz Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill. Varför tog Hitler självmord? Företaget han köpte gas ifrån skickade en räkning. Varför tog Hitler sitt eget liv? Han fick sin gasräkning. Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom. Quando foi que Hitler se suicidou? Quando ele viu a conta de gás no final do mês. – Vad dog Hitler av? – För höga gasräkningar. Hvorfor begik Hitler selvmord? Han modtog sin gasregning!! Ærtemad! Hitler Hvorfor begik Hitler selvmord? – Jøderne sendte ham gasregningen - Miksi Adolf Hitler tappoi itsensä? - Kaasuyhtiö lähetti laskun. Waarom pleegde Hitler zelfmoord? Omdat hij de gasrekening zag. Comment la femme d'Hitler est-elle morte? Elle s'est trompée de douche   Comment Hitler est-il mort? En voyant la facture de gaz Jantje komt huis van school De ce a murit hitler? - S-a impuscat cand a vazut factura la gaz! În ce condiţii s-a sinucis Hitler? Cînd a primit factura de gaze! Víte proč Hitler spáchal na konci války sebevraždu? Přišel mu účet za plyn. Dlaczego Hitler popełnił samobójstwo? - Bo dostał rachunek za gaz. Hitler si è suicidato perchè gli è arrivata la bolletta del Gas! Hitler vittighed Hvorfor skød Hitler sig selv? Han var bange for at se sin gasregning ... Sapete perchè Hitler si è suicidato? Ha visto la bolletta del gas. Зошто се самоубил Хитлер ? - Оти му дошла сметка за плин! Vraag:hoe is Hitler gestorven? Antwoord:hij kreeg een hartaanval toen hij de gasrekening kreeg. The Real reason Hitler took his life What is the highest thing hitler achieved in WW2 His gas bill Sai quando morì Hitler? quando vide la bolletta del gas
Q: Why did Нiтlеr кill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.
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One of Нiтlеr's assistants says to him one day, "Sir, we're mining too many useless ores."
Hitler replies, "Well, mine less."
A grammar nаzi then bursts through the door and shouts, "Mine FEWER!"
Hitler looks up and asks, "Yes?"
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Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven
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Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
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