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Music jokes, Musician Jokes

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What musical note do you hear when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor!
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The Irish gave the Scots the Bagpipes as a cruel joke that was taken seriously.
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Q: How can you determine when the portable stage is level?

A: The drummer will be drooling equally out of both corners of his mouth.
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“Are part-time band leaders semiconductors?”
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There's a band called 1023 Megabytes... they haven't had a gig yet.
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A elderly lady, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Ноотеrs restaurant. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a nакеd man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, that's okay, I’ll just look the other way,” she said.

The bartender then showed the elderly lady to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give her a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”
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What did the conductor say when asked to play "The Messiah"?

"I don't think my orchestra can Handel it."
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If you paint your finger purple, and wiggle it in the air, is it ... FingerPrince?
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If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm.
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What did music tell the pancakes? – B flat.
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What music do Astronauts Listen to?
Nep-Tunes
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My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
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What is a pirate's favorite part of music theory?
Arrrr-peggios!
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I went to a middle school dance back in the day.
It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.
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Sаinт Peter is checking ID’s at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. “Tell me, what have you done in life?” says St. Peter. …
The Texan says, “Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn’t sit on my laurels-I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations.” …
St. Peter says, “That’s quite something. Come on in. Next!” …
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, “I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn’t selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children.” …
“Wonderful!” says Sаinт Peter. “Come in. Who’s next?” …
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, “Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime.” …
“Heavens!” says St. Peter. “What instrument did you play?”
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What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Нiтlеr have in common?
Neither of them are musicians.
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When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.
He was decomposing.
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A father asks his child, "Could you please stop listening to Korean music?"
"K, pop."
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