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I was driving to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman ‘the eagle’.
“Man, that guy is sтuрid,” I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that’s 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000.
In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That’s 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That’s 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That’s 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That’s 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.
Piss one off? I think not
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Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a sтriр club. The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?" His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with." They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"
"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball." Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?" His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Roger follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. His wife looks at him, seething with fury and flips out on Roger. Just then, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a вiтсh tonight, Roger!"
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СССР, 60-те години. Entflogener Papagei СССР, 50-те години. Звъни телефонът в КГБ: Einem Mann in der DDR ist der Papagei entflohen. Der Besitzer läuft sofort zur Stasi und versichert: "Ich möchte Ihnen nur mitteilen, dass ich die politischen Ansichten meines Papageis nicht teile."
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