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This undergraduate was very attracted to a charming and delightful woman in one of his classes. She was bright, witty, good looking, and very friendly. She also was in a wheelchair because she’d lost both legs in an accident.
This proved to be no real barrier, however; this was one formidable woman whether she had legs or not. The young man asked her out on a date and she accepted.
They had a wonderful evening together, and they were most attracted to one another. When he brought her home, one thing led to another in the seat of the car, but she stopped him just at a crucial moment and said, “Wait, I’ve got an idea that will make it better for both of us. See that elm tree over there? Let me hang from that lower branch while we do it.”
He was amazed not only at her upper body strength, but also at how good the sеx was.
“What an incredible fсuк”, he thought. Afterward, he brought her wheelchair over and gently took her down and wheeled her up to the house. As he was preparing to go, however, he saw her father standing on the porch.
“Young man, I want you to know that I saw everything you did with my daughter.”
“You did?”
“Yes. And, I want to thank you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Every other guy she’s brought home has left her hanging in the dамn tree!”
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A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
“This is not the 1928 Mouton.”
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
“My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.”
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
“I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.”
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, “When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes.”
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A man goes into a pub and asks the landlord if he has entertainment in the pub. The landlord said yes why? The man said well i write my own songs and I sing them whilst playing the piano and wondered if you were willing to give me a try. The landlord said ok we’ve got a piano. Turn up in two Saturdays time and I will give it a shot. So on the Saturday the man turns up to a packed pub. The landlord introduces him and he makes a start. The man said this is one of the first songs I wrote its called ” I’m going to fсuк my sister up the аrsе”. So he sings the song and the audience love it. The man is getting warmed up now and says this ones called ” my girlfriends рiss tastes like wine” so he does the number with rapturous applause. After he sang the next number which was called ” I like to wаnк on a Sunday” he noticed a very attractive girl in the audience and he could see up her skirt and was getting a bit of an еrестiоn. So he says I’m just going to take a 5 minute break. He rushed into the toilet and wanks off and rushes back. Just as he was about to start the next number a woman shouted out do you know ” there is sрunк running down your trousers”. He said ” know it I fсuкing wrote it”
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How can you tell a lawyer is lying?A: Other lawyers look interested. Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort?A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school?A: Now she’s a loan shark. Q: Where do vampires learn to suск blood?A: Law school. Q: How do you define double jeopardy?A: When a lawyer calls in her partner. Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?A: All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it. Q: What's worse than pleading guilty to мurdеr?A: Getting jail time and getting robbed--hiring an attorney to defend you. Q: What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.
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