Newest jokes - Page 316

If a man says something in the woods, and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What goes in hard and pink but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum - and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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Q: What has a hard dome and sticks out of a man's pajamas?
A: His head.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's hairy on the outside, wet on inside, starts with a "c" and ends in a "t'?
A: A coconut - and you should be ashamed of yourself.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because she is going out on a date. When she arrives back home from the date she saw the butler was still home and sitting in the front room.
The rich lady approaches the butler and requests that he remove her dress, so the butler removes her dress. She then asks the butler to remove her вrа, which he does. She then asks him to remove her раnтiеs and he this this also.
The lady then tells the butler never to dress in her clothes again.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!

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A man decided to spend the night with a рrоsтiтuте.
When it was over she told him to pay $500. He said he'd send it to her in an envelope marked ''Rent for Apartment.'' The next day, however, he regretted that he spent the night with her and sent only $250. When she wrote him a letter asking why he didn't pay full price, he wrote her a memo saying:
1. I thought the apartment had not been used before.
2. It did not have adequate heating.
3. It was too large to properly furnish.
A few days later the рrоsтiтuте sent him another letter saying:
1. You should have known the apartment had been rented previously.
2. The apartment did have adequate heating. You just didn't know how to turn it on.
3. The apartment was the perfect size. You just didn't have large enough furniture to fill it.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Did you hear about the redneck who went to the hospital to have a mole removed from his d*ck?
He swore off sеx with them creatures forever.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Неll.

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There was a blonde, two brunettes, and redhead in a 400 meter relay.
The starter said, On your mark, get set, go. The blonde ran all the way around and said, It was a 400 meter race, wasn't it?

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.
"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.
"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."
"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

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These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry. Dejected, he turned and walked away.
The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, Can't let you in sir. While you were on earth, you allowed money to run your life. You even married a girl named Penny. The guy hung his head, turned and walked away.
The husband of the third couple waiting in line, overheard both conversations and said, Come on, Fаnny, he's not going to let us in either.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go to town and вlоw a couple of bucks.

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A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sеxy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."

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A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get birth control pills.
The doctor wonders if she's a little young for birth control pills and asks her father if she's sexually active. The father replies, No, she just kinda lays there, just like her mother.

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Men vs Women Jokes

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the сhin!

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A redneck calls into a radio advice show and asks, ''If I get divorced from my wife, does that mean she ain't my sister any more?

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do you call a redneck with a pig under one arm and a sheep under the other?
A: Вisеxuаl.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

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How do you get a redneck gal pregnant?
Come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

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