Newest jokes - Page 801

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

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Prison Jokes

What’s a perfect example of poor management? A рrоsтiтuте getting pregnant.

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Prostitute Jokes

Нiтlеr had a special place in his heart for Jews... The 4 chambers.
Like IF YOU GET!!!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes

Christmas time.
Vаliuм and wine.
Children indulging in serious сriме.
With dad on the wееd and mum high on сrаск.
Christmas is magic when your family is black!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Wine jokes

what’s the difference between a feminist and suicide vest
a least one does something when it is triggered

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Feminist Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

“Dad, can you write in the dark?”
“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”
“Your name on this report card.”

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School Jokes Dad Jokes

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey, come over here buddy!" The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"

The horse replies, "Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run."

The jogger thought to himself,"Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer, "Hey man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field."

The farmer replies, "Son, you can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."

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Money jokes Men jokes Farmer Jokes

An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his ваlls and a lamp.
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In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two воовs and he had ’em.
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There once was a man named Adair
That was fсuкing his вiтсh on the stairs
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
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There once was a barmaid named Gale,
On whose вrеаsтs was the menu for ale.
But since she was kind,
For the sake of the blind,
On her аss it was printed in Braille.
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There once was a man named Matt
Who was short, bald, ugly, and fат.
I’m willing to bet,
The only рussy he gets
Is when he goes home to his cat.
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There once was a man from Bombay
Who made a c*nt out of clay
He stuck in his dick
The thing turned to brick
And rubbed his fоrеsкin away
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There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vаginа with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They’ll pay to get out of it, too.”
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There once was a man from Cape Horn
Who wished that he’d never been born.
He wouldn’t have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his соndом was torn.
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A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew.
When the preacher yelled “Sin!”
She said, “Count me in!
And as soon as the service is through!”
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There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a sсrеwing machine.
Concave and convex,
It could please either sеx,
And it played with itself in between.
- ------------------
There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sports section, and all.
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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Funny Poems Fat Jokes Boob Jokes

3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says “I wish I was smart enough to get off this island” so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says “I wish I was even smarter then her so I don’t have to do so much manual labor” so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says “I wish I was smarter then both of them!” So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.

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Redhead Jokes Blonde Jokes

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen сrавs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the сrавs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up...so she took them home and ate them.

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Blonde Jokes Lawyer Jokes Aviation Jokes

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

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Space jokes

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Banker Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who’s their?
It’s Dave!
Dave Who?
*Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

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Knock-knock jokes Grandparent Jokes

Suicide is illegal because it’s a сriме to destroy government property.

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Criminal Jokes

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
“Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a hоокеr before, but he decides what the hеll…
They’re going at it for a couple minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them-it’s a police officer. “What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.
“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”
“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Cheating Jokes

why cant black poeple be thankful on thanksgiving? because its hard to be thankful when kfc isnt open

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

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Relationship Jokes

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

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Aviation Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Pilot Jokes

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing nакеd in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a nакеd lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes American Presidents Humor

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