Dark Humor Jokes

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A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

Q: What's more offensive than a truck full of dead babies?
A: Taking them out with pitchforks.

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Dark Humor Jokes Morbid jokes Dead baby jokes

Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: *Opens mouth*
Me: "OH NO!!! It's the Taliban!" *Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon.* "KA-BOOM"

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Aviation Jokes Baby Jokes

A Mexican and a niggеr are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Black People Jokes

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

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Dark Humor Jokes School Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's Day -- 'cause a few years ago, on Valentine's night, I thought I would have a nice, romantic evening in with a lady. But little did I know, that that same night, her ex-boyfriend thought he would try to win her heart back. And, being the sweet, romantic guy that he is, he thought the best way to do this would be to get all coked up and then jump through a window and try to мurdеr me.

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Valentine's Day Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.

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Dark Humor Jokes Car and driving jokes Jewish Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes

Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.

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Dark Humor Jokes Terrorist jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Cannibal Jokes

Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m OK but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?,” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”

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Dark Humor Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes

On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!

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Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Friendship Jokes Birthday Jokes

What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.

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Dark Humor Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team?
A: The New York Jets.

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Terrorist jokes Dark Humor Jokes Aviation Jokes Soccer Jokes American Jokes

Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes Hitler Jokes History Jokes

Why is Нiтlеr never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hitler Jokes

There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if your sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hеll.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hеll, you'll be so dамn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.

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Dark Humor Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.
In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?”
The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”
“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter.
“My ex-wife” replied the hunter.

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Animal Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hunting Jokes

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Fitness jokes

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

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Dark Humor Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Funeral jokes Fishing Jokes