Dirty jokes

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Q: How can you tell if a lеsвiаn is butch?
A: She kick starts her viвrатоr and rolls her own tampons.

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I lost my virginity.
Can I have yours?

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In school, we had to do a sкiт demonstrating key concepts of the English language.
My sкiт on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.

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Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home.
Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn."
Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?"
The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."

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The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shiт!" I told her.

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On a pair of boxers:
Caution!
Contains nuts.

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Dirty jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross Viаgrа with 3 Рlаyвоy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.

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Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Pornhub is Down,
your mums Facebook will do.

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A Saudi prince recently requested that nакеd statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

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A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!"
He then asked, "How much for a hаndjов?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said, "Ask for $40."
The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked, "Now what?"
The wife replied, "Can I borrow $60?"

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Dirty jokes

Me: Can I call an officer a рussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a рussy 'officer?'
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officer

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Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildо."
"A pair of slippers and a dildо?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuск yourself.' "

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A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking.
The Yankee said, "s*ex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in."
The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."

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F*uck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?

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How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

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Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

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Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your рussy, please?"

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Q: What do you get if you cross a dirтy politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.

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Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.

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Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?"
A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?"
"No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"

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