Dirty jokes

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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that рussy needs.

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Dad: "Who do you think the committee sсrеwеd this year?"
Me: "Mom."

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I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

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That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.

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A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his реnis.
He sees several doctors.
They all say: "You've been sсrеwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."
The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it.
So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan.
The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"
The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA."
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"
The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

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Every time I have sеx with a woman, I'm convinced she's trying to distract me while someone steals my car. And then you realize, 'Oh nobody wants a Suzuki Samurai that bad. It's my lucky day. I should be enjoying my sеx.'

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Got a valentines card from my Grandma earlier today which was sweet but unnecessary, we haven’t had sеx in years.

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes Valentine's Day Jokes

Boy and girl relationship
Week 1: Facebook chat
Week 2: Dinner Date
Week 3: Amusement park date
Week 4: Trip to foreign country and sex
Week 5: cheats on each other
Week 6: Valentines day
Week 7: break up

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Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together

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Yo momma's сliтоris is as long as my diск.

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Q: Why is a girls рussy like an ocean?
A: It's really wet and has a Sреrм Whale in it.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing.
The ground was slippery.
So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's реnis.
His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"

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There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a реnis and 99 others could be filled with money.

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Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.”
Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”

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Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your diск is hanging out.

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Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a тамроn was from.

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Girl: I get hоrny everytime I hear something sеxuаl, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name?
Me: Sir BJ Аnаl The 69th.

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Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican?
A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would сuм on your face!

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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

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