Medical and Doctor Jokes

A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelop containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelop in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelop he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelop, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelop I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000.
"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my ваlls has turned blue."
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his теsтiсlе removed.
"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his теsтiсlе removed.
Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."
Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other теsтiсlе must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very resistant to the idea.
"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation.
After two weeks of being теsтiсlе-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My реnis is now completely blue."
After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his реnis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But...how do I рее?"
"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So the patient has his реnis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again.
He is very angry.
"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"
"What?"
"Can you tell me what the hеll is happening??"
The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says,
"Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"