Friendship Jokes

Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
"Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

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Sherlock Holmes Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Life Jokes

A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over.
He reminded them that they often tell the same stories.
"Not so," said one friend. "We re-share, you repeat."

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Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes

Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.
Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy.
Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.”
Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says,
“Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.”
“Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.”
“You’re kidding! What for?”
“For killing my third wife. I strangled her.”
“What happened to your second wife?”
“I shot her.”
“And, if I may ask, your first wife?”
“We had a fight and she fell off a building.”
“Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells,
“Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Prison Jokes Single People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."

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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes

A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more

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Friendship Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Dating Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes

Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen...
Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?"
Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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Valentine's Day Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"

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Student jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes School Jokes

A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’

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School Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom."
"Why, what's his new job?"
"He's an embalmer."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes

I kind a feel sorry for Нiтlеr.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

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Friendship Jokes Hitler Jokes

Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives....
"I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunк.."
"Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?"
"New York City..."

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Friendship Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.

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Pet Jokes Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Sатаn appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer:
"I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card."
Johnny: "I don't have it."
Johnny's father: "Why not?"
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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Parent Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.
Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom.
"Tom what’s going on?" Mark asked.
"It’s my wife Beckie,"
Tom replied. "She ran off with my best friend!"
"Hey wait a second!" Said Mark.
"Aren’t I your best friend?"
"Not any more," Tom said with a happy smile. "He is!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
"The first ten years are the hardest."
"How long have you been married?" she asked.
"Ten years", he replied.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fат?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his diск!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his diск!"

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes Ugly Jokes Coffee Jokes