Friendship Jokes

Good friends don't let you do dumb things......................... Alone

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Steve complained to his friend Al that lоvемакing with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"Неll, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes

Some friends of mine came to visit me from Holland, and they said, 'We would like to go to Harlem.' I said, 'Well you know, the Dutch influence has waned over the years.'

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Nationality Jokes Friendship Jokes

A guy goes to the first aid section of the hospital. He says: ‘I’ve got 3 ваlls, could you have a look?
A nurse takes him to the examination room, checks his ваlls, and says: ‘Nope, you’ve got 2 ваlls, just like any other man’
‘Impossible’, the guy says, ‘you should look better’
The nurse checks his ваlls again for a couple of minutes and says: ‘there’s really nothing wrong’
‘Get another nurse’, the guys demands.
Another nurse joins the club and starts checking his ваlls too and says: ‘Really, I only see 2 ваlls…
The guy says: ‘Okay, perhaps I’m mistaking…’, and he walks away.
Just outside he runs into his friend who says: ‘Hey, what are you doing here?
The guy: ‘Well… I was waiting for the bus and noticed that it could take at least 1 hour for the bus to arrive. So I thought, I’m gonna have some chicks rub and touch my sack for a while…

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes Nurse jokes

The drunк was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side.
He bumped into a friend who asked,
"What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunк I can get.
When I get drunк I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes.
That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"But," the friend said,
"You idiот!
Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunк, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

My thalidomide friend has fallen out with me after I dressed him for Halloween.
I thought he looked fuскing awesome but he wasn’t impressed at all.
I don’t get what his problem is, personally I think he looked fuскing awesome as a T-Rex!

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Halloween Jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes

Me: Why did the Pizza Delivery guy cross the rode?
Friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No to delivery pizza to the hideous girl on the other side!
Friend: ...
Me: Knock Knock!
Friend: Who's there!?
Me: The Pizza Delivery guy!

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes Knock-knock jokes

A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"
The blonde replies,
"How do you give shoulders?"

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Friendship Jokes

Be careful when you have friends who tell you they can help you break into the jewelry business...
I took their advice, and now I'm serving 9 to 15 in the state penitentiary.

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Business jokes Friendship Jokes

A married couple touring Israel sat outside at a Bethlehem sidewalk cafe, waiting for their friends. A peddler approached them, his arm loaded with belts.
After an impassioned sales plea yielded nothing, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, “She’s not from the States.”
“Yes, I am,” said the wife. He pointed to her husband and asked her, “Is he your husband?”
“Yes.”
“Mister, I’ll give you a hundred camels for her.” The husband sat for a long, stunned silence before he replied, “She’s not for sale.”
After the salesman left, his indignant wife asked, “What took you so long to answer?”
He replied, “I was trying to figure out how I could get a hundred camels back to America!”
=

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes Friendship Jokes

The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book... If I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time.... And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes Banker Jokes Coffee Jokes

There was a disturbing story on the 11 PM news tonight about Cadmus, a 14-year-old Greek boy, who has run away from home.
Cadmus’ school friends said that he doesn’t like the way his father is rearing him.

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School Jokes News and Politics Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

My girlfriend just randomly started screaming at me for no reason.
“You put me second to everything! Second to your friends, your job, even your fuскing ps3! I’m sick of being second-best!!”
I said “Well that would make you 4th best, you thick head.”

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Friendship Jokes Dating Jokes

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of sтuрid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest, “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You’d better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago.”

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Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes Priest Jokes

There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car.
She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said,
"Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

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Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends - they might not give you a chance to change your mind…

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Friendship Jokes Attitude Jokes

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
“I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a wall!”

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Some people are so strange.
They’ll happily accept your friend request on Facebook, but won’t even acknowledge you when you’re parked outside their house all day.

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Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes Criminal Jokes

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says,
"Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."
The second bull says,
"That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or кill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
The third bull says,
"I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says,
"Ahem... You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
The second bull says,
"I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says,
"Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The third bull says,
"Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes