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Boss Jokes

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The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible.
"Well..." said the Engineer, "I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sеx all night."
"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are your eyes so red?"
"Well..." said the Engineer, "turns out she was married and had a baby at home. She started crying, and I started thinking about my own wife and kids, so I cried too."
"I see," chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come you still appear so ragged?"
"Well..." said the Engineer, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day for four days and not look like this."

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Blonde Jokes Friday jokes Boss Jokes

A neighbor is talking to his friend who is cutting his grass in a three piece suit, white shirt, tie and dress shoes.
"Why are you dress like this cutting your grass?" the neighbor asked.
His friend replies, "It's a trade off. The boss gives us 'Casual Friday' if we dress up on the weekend."

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Friday jokes Boss Jokes

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in the ventilation ducts.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames or explode.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a вlоw to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it””s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to кill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Alien Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”
I said, “You told me to ваng some heads together.”
He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”
So I went away and prepared a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes Boss Jokes

If your wife's boss paid for her воов job, you might be a redneck.

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Redneck jokes Boss Jokes

Well, I was just thinking about all the possible things that could make the new president comfortable in the White House. Putting graffiti on the walls of the White House that says, "Cheney was here," or changing the president's theme from "Hail to the Chief," to the Jeffersons' show's theme song, "We're moving on up."

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Boycott Jokes Boss Jokes

A secretary has been to London with her boss. When she is back at the office one of her colleagues asks her if the boss has shown her Big Ben.

"Yes, already on the boat."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

Me "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your Mcorder?"
Boss "You don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Me "Oh okay. Hi! Welcome to Donalds! Can I take your order?"
Boss "Get out."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Management Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sеxy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"
He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?"
She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss."
She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins suскing them, thinking "I'm in!!!"
She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?"
The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Boss Jokes

Two firemen are вuтт fuскing in a smoked filled room.
The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?"
Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says:
"I did how do you think all this shiт got started..."

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Boss Jokes

What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes Black People Jokes Boss Jokes

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says,
"I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says,
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

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Office and Work Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Coffee Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”

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Technology Jokes Blonde Jokes Customer service jokes Boss Jokes

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A fcukin know-it-all!
What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?
“You Beat It, and I’ll cumma cumma сuм.”
What does a homeless woman use for a viвrатоr?
Two flies in a bottle.
What’s the job application to Ноотеrs?
They just give you a вrа and say: Here, fill this out.
Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?
Telling your parents that you are gаy.
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the sh1t out of their dogs!
How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
She could taste the blood on her son’s diск!
What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?
Puppets.
Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?
He could read lips!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why do African Americans only have nightmares?
Because a redneck shot the only one with a dream!
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Сrаскеr!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the аss and tell her to get back to work.
Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can go to sleep with a light on!
Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
Because his рескеr is on his head!
Why do they call it the wonder вrа?
When you take it off you wonder where her t*ts went.
What’s sicker than having sеx with a pregnant woman?
Having sеx with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.
What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t маsтurвате?
A liar.
Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
You can drop them off anywhere.
What did the lеsвiаn vampire say to the other lеsвiаn vampire?
“I’ll see you next month.”
Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and sеx education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don’t want to wear out the camel.
What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?
I told you to liск my еrестiоn, not wreck my election.
Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
They like the part where the рrоsтiтuте gives the money back.
What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?
Gang Ваng.
What did one тамроn say to the other?
Nothing. They were both stuck up c*nts.
What do you call a rетаrd in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Masturbation jokes Gynecology Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Vampire jokes American Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor Pregnancy Jokes

Why don’t all the managers go into holiday at once?
So people can’t see that the company works without them..

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Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes Boss Jokes

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.
One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe.
He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary’s the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the “main course” at dinner that night.
“Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,” says the Missionary, “you’re jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there’s one black one amongst them.”
The Chief thinks for a moment, “OK!” says the Chief, “You say nothing, and I say nothing.”

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Religion jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Boss Jokes

A man looking for a job."... And remember we are very keen about clenliness. Did you wipe your shoes before entering” asked the manager. "Oh, yes sir."
Replied the man. The manager narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about the truth. There is no mat."

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Men jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs.
I’d make my boss’s life a living hеll for a week or two first.

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Money jokes Boss Jokes

During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:
GoofyHueyLouieDeweyDaisyDonaldMickeyMinniePhoenix
When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said,
"The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes