Ugly Jokes

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Девойка разговаря със смартфона си: Me: Siri, why am I alone? Девушка разговаривает со своим смартфоном: Frage an Siri:"Wieso bin ich noch immer Single?" Siri öffnet die Frontkamera. Fragt eine Frau: "Siri, warum bin ich Single?" Siri öffnet Frontkamera.     Un homme à son cellulaire Apple : - Siri, pourquoi je suis célibataire? Et siri ouvre la caméra.
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A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink.
While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head.
So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"
The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day and I came across this bottle buried halfway in the sand. So I picked it up, brushed away the sand, and out popped this fine female genie. She said she would grant me three wishes for releasing her."
"For my first wish, I asked for ten-million dollars, and РООF right there on the sand was $10,000,00."
"For my second wish, I asked for a luxury yacht, and РООF right there on the ocean was a 90-foot yacht."
"Finally for my third wish, I asked to have sеx with the genie, but she said that genies were not allowed to indulge in that kind of activities."
So, I said, "c'mon, how about a little head?"
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Близнаци Sind das Zwillinge? Близнаци во возот Ein äusserst hässliches Weibsstück kommt mit seinen zwei Kindern in ein Geschäft. Пътува някакъв пич във влака и на някаква гара в купето му влиза семейство – мъж, много грозна жена, пубер на 15 и дете на 6 години. Пътуват си те и по едно време нашия човек пита мъжа: Uma mulher mal-encarada, antipática e muito, muito feia entra nas Lojas Calombo com duas crianças. O gerente da loja, querendo ser gentil, pergunta-lhe: — São gêmeos? A mulher, fazendo uma careta, que faz com que fique ainda mais feia, diz: — Não, paspalho! O mais velho tem 9 e o mais novo tem 7... Ruma, häiritsevä ja huutava nainen oli kaupassa kahden lapsensa kanssa. Hän huutaa lapsillensa ja häiritsee kaikkia kaupassa olijoita kirkuvalla äänellään. Kauppias menee naisen luokse ja yrittää... Una donna davvero brutta ed antipatica, con un'espressione sgradevole ed odiosa, entra in un grande magazzino con i suoi due figli, imprecando contro di loro per ogni minima cosa. La commessa...
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Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says:
"We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says,
"Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sеxy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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В ресторант, жена си накапва роклята с доматен сос: Жена проливает на себя тарелку с супом: Ein Mann und eine Frau sitzen zusammen im Restaurant. Жена и муж обедают. Жена проливает на себя борщ: Een man is aan het 't eten en morst een klad mayonnaise op zijn hemd. "Potverdorie", zegt hij, "ik zie er uit als een varken." "Ja, zegt zijn vrouw, en gesmost hebt ge ook al." Merge unul cu nevastă-sa să ia cina la restaurant. Farfuria de supă se varsă pe rochia ei cea nouă. Supărată şi aşteptând să fie consolată de soţul romantic, ea zice: - Uite cum arăt, ca o scroafă!...
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La chica de la lasaña y el cajero gracioso Single? Момиче пазарува в магазина и на касата: Жена пазарувала в супера. Докато оставяла нещата на лентата един пияница се приближил, огледал подробно покупките и и казал тихо: Una chica entra en un supermercado y compra lo siguiente: A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man. Uma mulher passava as compras no caixa de supermercado percebeu que um bêbado examinava detalhadamente seus itens de compra: * 2 caixas de leite integral * 1 dúzia de ovos * 1 litro de suco de laranja * 1 alface americana * 1 kg de café; e * 1 pacote de bacon fatiado. Enquanto o caixa registrava,... A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the... A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For... Een vrouw ging naar de winkel waar ze de volgende spullen kocht : * 1 liter melk * 1 doos eieren * 1 liter fruitsap * 1 pak koffie * 1 ons ham * 1 doos Cup-a-Soup Terwijl ze haar... A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the... En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler... En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende: 1 stykke sæbe 1 tandbørste 1 tube tandpasta 1 lille franskbrød 1 liter mælk 1 æble 1 banan 1 appelsin 1 liter juice 1 glas syltetøj 1 bage... A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 apple 1 banana 1 orange 1 plum 1 peach 1 grapefruit 1 tomato... En kvinna kommer in i affären och köper lite saker, hon kommer fram till kassan och lägger upp en banan, ett äpple, en tandborste, en schampoflaska, en tvål, en kam, en apelsin, en tandkräm, en...
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