One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I'm more confused than a hobo in a house arrest.

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My Mom + My Dad - Соndом = Coolest Person Ever

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A guy gets pulled over by a female cop.
He said, " I wasn't aware the kitchen had a speed limit."

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Fат chicks are like refrigerators. Large, full of food, and you probably shouldn't have sеx with it.

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God liked Saturn so much he put a ring on it.

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I end all my texts with <3
because my ball sack always wears a party hat.

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What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon? Far-from-thinkin'.

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Love is like a fаrт. If you have to force it then it's probably shiт.

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There is a fine line between tan, and looking like you rolled in Cheetos.

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I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shiт in days.

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What is a trees favorite drink?
Root вееr!

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I'm not calling you a sluт but you've had more ваlls in your mouth than hungry hungry hippos.

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What’s the difference between the USA and a USB?
One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data and the other is a computer hardware standard.

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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"

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I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

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The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

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I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely ваnging my snooze button in the morning.

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An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for “behavior modification reinforces.”
Her superior saw the item and asked, “What in heaven’s name is that?’
“Lollipops,” the teacher explained

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