The president of Mexico back, in the 80’s, locked in the entire senate one good day.
“No one leaves till we have a solution to our crumbling economy!!”
3 days they discussed plans, but to no avail.
Finally, on day 4, one congressmen stands up and excitedly announces he has a plan!!!
“We’ll declare war on the USA.” he announced
“WHY would we want to do THAT?” asked the shocked president.
“Well,” explained the young man, “then they’ll invade us and we will become THEIR problem. We”ll be added to their welfare, the food stamps, the unemployment…see????”
The room exploded with men and women agreeing with the plan, but the President looked unconvinced…
“What is wrong with the plan?” asked the Vice president
“Well… it is all fine and good… but what happens if we win??
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked sтuрid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gаy,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”
Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is free to
Distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact.
All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc
Should be made to mduhan@husc. Harvard. Edu . Happy Holidays!
Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.
During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.
First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, “Ivan, jump down.”
Ivan replied in tears, “Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son.”
Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.
Then Kim Jong-Un called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window.
Putin grabbed him and said, “Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!”
Struggling, Lee replied, “Let me go! I have a wife and a son!”
Trump and Cruz are sitting in a bar…
A guy walks in, spots them, and asks the barman, ‘Hey, ain’t that Trump and Cruz sitting over there?’
The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’
So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, what an honor! What are you guys doing in here?’
Trump says, ‘We’re planning World War III.’
The guy says, ‘Really? Whaddaya think you’ll do?’
Trump says, ‘Well, we’re planning to кill 140 million Muslims, and a stunning blonde with a Double-D rack.’
The guy exclaims, ‘A beautiful blonde with double-D rack? You’re shittin’ me. Why кill a gorgeous blonde with big тiтs?’
Trump turns to Cruz, and says, ‘See? I told you, no one gives a shiт about 140 million Muslims.’