A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the pavement in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man.
“Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Labour Party, Ed Miliband.
What do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Miliband.
Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“Labour supporters,” answered Suzy with a smile.
Miliband was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that he should return the next day;
And in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,”
When Milliband’s motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, ABC, CNN and Sky News,
Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Miliband got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They’re UKIP supporters.”
Taken by surprise, Ed stammered, “But…but…yesterday, you told me they were LABOUR SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know.
But today, they have their eyes open.”
A selection of quotes from "I miss Dan Quayle".
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
- - J. Danforth Quayle
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- - J. Danforth Quayle
"Republicans understand the importance of воndаgе between a mother and child."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- - Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89
Through some cosmic fluke, Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and Mikhail Gorbachev all died on the same day. Off they went to the gates of Heaven. Peter, seeing that these were all VIP’s, sent them straight off to the Almighty.
God, sitting on his throne, called to Reagan. “Ronald, my son, what have you to say for yourself?”
“I tried to improve the US economy,” replied Reagan, “and I did my best to benefit the nation.”
“Very well, my son, come up and sit in the chair to my right.” And so Reagan sat at his right.
God then called up Gorbachev.
“Mikhail, my son, what have you to say for yourself?”
“I tried to make Soviet society more open,” replied Gorbachev, “and I did my best to improve the Soviet economy.”
“Very well, my son, come up and sit in the chair to my left.” And so Gorbachev sat at his left.
God then called up Thatcher.
“Margaret, my daughter, what have you to say for yourself?”
“Only two things,” replied Thatcher. “First of all, I’m not your daughter. Secondly, get out of my chair?”
Gun control
Barack Obama was at a rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, and asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.’
Then, little Richard Earl , with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
“Well, dumb-аss, stop clapping!”