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Travel jokes

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Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces.
So too has his boot.
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What do cows usually fly around in?
Helicowpters and Bulloons.
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Chuck Norris has walked to the end of the universe and back.
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A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry.
Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat."
The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat."
The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde.
The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."
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Blondes & Airplanes Μισό λεπτό Λάρνακα-Λονδίνο Αθήνα-Θεσσαλονίκη. Η πιο αναχώρηση πτήσης.. Чукча влиза в бюро на Аэрофлот и пита: O português liga para a companhia aérea e pergunta: Блондинка се обажда в авиолиния. A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico? The lady replied "A moment..." Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation. Carabiniere telefona all'ufficio informazioni dell'aeroporto: "Quanto tempo impiega il volo Bologna-Roma?". La centralinista: "Un attimo...". E il carabiniere: "Grazie" e riattacca. Carabiniere: "Pronto - Pardon madame Norrmannen ringer till SAS och frågar Un atlante llama a una aerolínea y pregunta: Señorita O português liga para o aeroporto: — Telefonista Manuel llama a una oficina de aerolíneas. Señorita One day - ¿Aló Bellman ringer till flygplatsen: - Hur lång tid tar det att flyga till Peru? - Ett ögonblick... - Tack! A szőke nő betelefonál a repülőtéri ügyfélszolgálatra: - Jó napot! Azt szeretném megkérdezni En blondine ringer til SAS. - Hvor lang tid tager det at flyve til Brasilien? - Lige 2 sekunder En svenske ringte til skranken i SAS og spurte: - Hvor lang tid tar det å fly herfra til London? - Et øyeblikk En svenske ringte flyselskapet og spurte hvor lenge flyturen mellom Stockholm og Paris varte. "Et øyeblikk bare"
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
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A hомо went to Denmark to have a sеx change operation performed.
When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?"
"Oh awful, just awful!" she replied.
"What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?"
"Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all."
"Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked.
"Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied.
"Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?"
"It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"
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Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten.
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In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class.
The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat.
But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened.
So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat.
And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander.
“Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”.
So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat.
“What the hеll did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene.
“I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”
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There were two blonds on their way to Disney World.
When they were getting close there was a sign that read, “DISNEY WORLD LEFT,”
So they turned around and went home.
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Everyone knows the speed of light...
Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness.
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How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
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When Chuck Norris went to Easter island, he couldn't understand why other tourists kept asking him to pose for photos next to the stone monoliths.
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!"
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Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom.
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The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away.
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A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Соw on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the соw again?"
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May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean.
The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
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