Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”
The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette вuтт lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,
“You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”
My local pub landlord called me as I laid in bed this morning and said, “Dave, I can’t believe how intoxicated you were last night.”
“I wasn’t drunк,” I replied, “I was sober.”
“You were very drunк,” he said, “And by the way, you left your wallet, cigarettes and car keys here.”
“They’re not mine,” I replied, “All of my stuff is in my trouser pockets.”
He said, “I know, I’m emptying them as we speak